I'm tired of having this debate. I received a blitz the other day: "Yeah, let's talk about it over lunch. Collis after 11s?" The answer, my friend, is no. Not Collis. Never Collis.
Collis undoubtedly serves the needs of the student body. If you're looking to watch the NBA Finals with some strangers, Collis is your place. And if you're a pool shark (or just interested in playing some good ol' fashion strip pool), Eight Ball Hall is where you'll be spending your days. Sketchy clubber? Hit up Fuel. But if you're interested in finding a hearty meal between 10 a.m. and 8 p.m., Collis Cafe is definitely not the place to be.
I like to consider myself a fairly indiscriminate eater. Sure, I refuse to try the Home Plate buffalo burger, and sometimes my mom had to make the "choo-choo" sound to feed me my vegetables (so what if I was 16? Mushrooms taste way better when they're on the fork train), but I'll eat pretty much anything in front of me. When it comes to the Collis selections, however, I have a hard time getting them down.
I've had this Collis debate with so many people (females), I decided I would do myself (and all men on this campus) a favor and explain why Collis Cafe is not an attractive option for anything but breakfast (and maybe a midnight snack). I'm always dumbfounded when I walk into Collis and see the hordes of Collis-extremists fighting over the last piece of orange poppy seed tea bread, or chewing balsamic vinegar-soaked lettuce like Peter Rabbit. Have our collective campus taste buds really become so dysfunctional that we willingly resign ourselves to Collis' flavorless foods?
For lunch, our Collis options are made-to-order sandwiches, stir-fry and salad. The sandwich selection at Collis is insultingly limited. It ranks last among our College's sandwich stations, with "specialty" bread straight from the supermarket that you can't even get toasted. As for stir-fries, every time I get one, I'm reminded of week-old Chinese food. The chicken is Blimpie quality, and the rice it's served on is bland and overcooked.
"But Kevin, have you tried mixing the Thai Peanut Sauce with the Sweet and Sour sauce?"
Yes, I have tried every combination of sauces, and they all taste the same.
For dinner, our options remain largely the same, except for the addition of the Collis pasta. The freedom that accompanies Collis pasta makes it an attractive item, but Food Court's recent addition of pasta primavera, and Home Plate's similar offerings, present far more innovative and vibrant options than the blandness of Collis pasta and meatballs.
What we're left with is a decent salad. Or, as I overheard a guy call it the other day, "bowls of leafs." I enjoy my fair share of leaf-bowls, but when I want a fresh salad, I'm going to head over to Home Plate, where there are more ingredients and dressings.
The Collis Cafe fanatics have one main argument in defense of their feeding hole. This is the "give-it-a-break-it's-just-a-cafe" defense. Granted, it does have "cafe" in its name, but what type of cafe serves full (albeit unfulfilling) meals? When have you ever been in a Parisian cafe and seen a cauldron full of meatballs? How come the Dirt Cowboy doesn't have made-to-order stir-fry? I would have no problem if Collis settled for serving quality coffee, baked goods and breakfast sandwiches. But it doesn't. Collis tries to be a diverse dining establishment, and therefore should be judged as one.
Collis has a lot going for it: a friendly staff, disgusting amounts of facetime, a decent late-night menu and even better breakfast options. But aside from that, the cafe fails to offer innovative or diverse dining options. So the next time we need to have a lunch meeting, how about Home Plate? Courtyard Cafe? Just make sure it's not Collis.
