By Ivan Zlatar
Sports Editor
Like a mediocre wine, heckling improves when you add two things: cheese and grapes. That is, make your calls as corny, tacky and as full of cheese as possible, and have the grapes to scream at the top of your lungs and antagonize people. You might risk getting your life threatened by crazed parents at Scully-Fahey Field, but that moment when you actually get a player to react to you, when both of you know that you're under his skin, that moment is pure, undiluted ecstasy -- and experiencing it makes it worth taking the time to go see a game.
So, without further ado, here are the best places to heckle on campus. (As a side note, to the middle-aged Providence College dad who tried to fight a bunch of 21-year-olds at the Dartmouth-Providence men's lacrosse game: reevaluate your life. Oh, and enjoy scenic Providence.)
- Burnham Field
Dartmouth's soccer haven is by far the best place to heckle in Hanover. In an ingenious masterstroke, Burnham's architects placed the stands excessively close to the sideline of the field, and placed a few rows all the way at the front, separated from the rest of the fans -- the perfect place for students to congregate and harass everyone in sight. Moreover, with no team bench to separate the fans from the action, hecklers can consistently be heard by players on half of the field.
At Burnham, vicious verbal abuse is inevitable, and the venue allows Big Green fans to show whatever poor saps are unlucky enough to be playing what a home-field advantage means.
2.Red Rolfe Field
Heckling at Red Rolfe Field is all about placement. I recommend the fence by the first-base line -- not only can you abuse the first baseman viciously enough to make him question the validity of his existence, but nearly the entire infield can hear you. Baseball, with its frequent stoppages in play and general lack of anything happening ever, also lends itself well to heckling. Players can't help but hear you when they're standing in the infield as a pitcher works through his windup for 45 seconds. Plus, it's a pressure-packed sport, where one fielding error can decide a game, so you can maybe even help Dartmouth's baseball team to victory (not that they need any help).
3.Leede Arena
Sure, Dartmouth basketball's home court is about as large as a typical high school gym, but that actually improves the heckling. I'll take a packed, sweaty, 2,100-person fieldhouse over a stadium where no one can hear you scream any day. Depressingly enough, we can't even seem to be able to fill our miniature venue, despite the fact that both basketball teams had respectable seasons this winter. If Big Green fans could band together, get organized, get excited and start to treat Dartmouth basketball as a passion instead of an irrelevancy, we could turn Leede Arena into a pretty decent scale model of Duke's Cameron Indoor Stadium. The potential here is huge.
4.Scully-Fahey Field
Another field with great potential that's cursed with some major flaws. In the larger set of stands, the field is just barely too far away for players to hear fans. Plus, the teams' benches form a barrier between heckler and laxer. Move to the other side as a group, however, and you'll find yourself much closer to the action, with far fewer adults, allowing for some seriously inappropriate calls. Opposing lacrosse players, especially ones from worse lacrosse schools (read: Providence), also provide great heckling material, with their hilarious attempts at machismo and generally unwarranted cocky attitudes.
5.Dishonorable Mention- Memorial Field
Football's home field is impossible to effectively heckle. The home stands are too far away from the field, action rarely happens on the sidelines and the 430 or so members of the team usually block the way. It's still a great viewing experience, so attendance is recommended, but bring a bullhorn if you want to be heard.
While there are better and worse places to make a fool of yourself as a Big Green fan on campus, with enough heart, desire and conviction, any normal fan can turn just about any venue into his or her personal heckling paradise. Every team at Dartmouth deserves good fans, so mark your calendars, get out there and make some Harvard nerds cry.
