Labels describing sexual orientation can lead individuals to apply inaccurate stereotypes to members of the LGBTQA community, several students said at Dartmouth's first Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Allied panel held Wednesday night. During the panel, which was met with a standing ovation at its conclusion, seven students spoke in Collis Common Ground about their experiences in coming to terms with their sexual identity.
The panel consisted of seven members of the Class of 2009: Sarah '09, Kris '09, Taylor '09, Nanette '09, Raymond '09, Dylan '09, and Lizzy '09. The students' last names were withheld at the request of the panel organizer due to the sensitive nature of the subject.
Some of the panelists said they felt frustrated by society's use of constricting labels to describe their sexuality.
Nanette said she identifies herself as "label-free" when people ask about her sexuality. She said she has tried many labels, "like sweaters," to see which one fit best, only to realize that none fit perfectly.
"If you have a label, everyone expects you to act in a certain way and like a certain kind of person," she said. "Sexual preference is just another attribute that makes us all different."
Dylan, who introduced himself as an "ally," also referenced the problems that may arise with the use of labels.
"People should be who they are and love whom they love," he said.
Viewing sexuality as a binary can have negative effects, Lizzy said.
"The dangerous aspect of labeling is that we all know we go deeper than that," she said, adding later, "If we define ourselves for ourselves, it will leave less space for other people to define us."
People sometimes do not realize that they are taking the easier route by "peeking from the closet" instead of being completely honest, Taylor said. He said it was important to be open about one's sexuality.
"Because I can pass as a straight male in most people's eyes, it's hard for me to step up and fulfill my role as a gay role model," he said.
Taylor also said that labels put too much emphasis on a person's sexuality.
"It's necessary to just be yourself and not let your sexuality define you," he said.
Sarah agreed that labels are limiting, but also acknowledged that they can sometimes make situations easier and help people understand sexuality.
"In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to give ourselves labels," she said.
Sarah opened the panel by talking about the 11 things that she found most difficult about being bisexual, speaking in particular about the ambiguity she has experienced as a result of her bisexuality.
She explained that it can be difficult for others to understand bisexuality because they often separate bisexuals in committed relationships into categories of "straight" or "gay," depending on the sex of their partner, or characterize bisexuality as a phase.
Sarah said it can often be unclear whether a person is bisexual unless that person is openly promiscuous, leading to negative stereotypes that add to the difficulty of being a bisexual individual.
Sarah also talked about the difficulties of being attracted to women, saying that it's easier for men to recognize if their male friends are attracted to them than for women to recognize when their female friends are attracted to them.
"It's hard to tell if your female friends are hitting on you, even if they're openly bisexual or lesbian," she said.
Kris spoke about his experience coming to terms with his sexuality and his decision to become a transgendered individual, describing the first time he looked in the mirror and saw his body as it was, and realized he wanted to change it.
"There was a huge dissonance between how I understood my body and wanted others to see my body, and how it really was," he said. "I realized I couldn't really exist in a female body."
Kris emphasized the need to take risks in sexuality and talked about the constrictions of the gendered Greek system. He pointed to the coed fraternity Tabard as a space where he felt completely comfortable.
"The premise of Tabard is not that everyone is welcome regardless of gender and sexuality, but just that everyone is welcome, period," he said.
Conventional single-gendered Greek organizations limit people's understanding of themselves, he said.
"Going gender-neutral is really the only way of making spaces more friendly," he said. "All these experiences have led me to a place where I can't conceptualize life within the binary."
Raymond also said that Dartmouth culture is "dominated by heterosexuality," but explained that he has not allowed it to limit his involvement in the community.
"I have not given up my identity or who I am," he said. "I'm engaging myself in all parts of Dartmouth and making it my own."
