Even though most sophomore males have by now either decided to be unaffiliated or are choosing a house based on existing friendships, atmosphere or post-college benefits, there always exists a small portion of campus for which the really hard decision is whether or not to pledge. For those among us, I will reflect on my unaffiliated path in the hopes of aiding your decision. (Pardon, ladies, but I know too little about sororities to opine effectively).
When rush rolled around, the friends I considered in my innermost circle were going to different houses. Neither I nor most houses take the words "pledge," "brother" or "rush" lightly. They say pledge term is "the most fun you never want to have again." They say pledge term brings you close to your house. I chose to be unaffiliated because I wanted the freedom to keep choosing my own friends without any house pressure, and I did not want to lose the real friendships I have already found.
With my decision I lost the opportunity for formals, and 'tails with sorority girls, and meetings, and being on Blitz lists where guys entertain you all day, and hiking, and city trips, and possible job connections for my post-college career, and likely more I don't know about. Most of all, I lost my chance at a tight-knit community of friends.
Paul Glenn '10 and Tom Mandel '11 write that the houses often have their own stereotypes ("Finding Your Way Down Frat Row," 2008 Freshman Issue; "Freaks And Greeks," Sept. 25). Believe me when I say being unaffiliated doesn't normally give the best impression either. But being unaffiliated gave me its own rewards that, personally, were well worth the sacrifice.
Being unaffiliated let me keep the freedom to control my time at Dartmouth. It's only true to a point that you choose your level of involvement in the average house. Friendships may be the best time commitments on Earth, but they are still time commitments. After rush, many people feel the external -- and much more so the internal -- pressure to hang out with their new brothers. What could be better than hanging out and playing pong with people you like? I was able to use the extra time to join an extensive amount of campus organizations where I was able to not only make friends, but also to do so based on people's intellectual and, well, sober sides. I also felt productive giving back to the Dartmouth community in a deeply fulfilling way.
The biggest perk of non-affiliation is that I still actively choose where and with whom I spend my time. Brothers choose to mostly hang out at their houses -- that is their home and where they know the most people -- but to a degree they sacrifice some free will over their friendships. My internal freedom to visit any frat house on any night has allowed me to meaningfully preserve my first-year friendships. I would not hesitate to genuinely call some of these men "my brothers." And I'm still meeting many new people, and I'm never surrounded by the house "regulars." In fact, I met half of my now-closest friends after rush term. With my sacrifice of the smaller fraternity community, I feel I gained the time to get closer to the larger Dartmouth community.
So here's the bottom line -- my advice about whether or not to pledge a house. If you deeply value the community experience or being social, I recommend pledging. If a large number of your friends are going to one house, then absolutely pledge -- the experiences you share will be worth it and you will be brothers for life. There are so many perks to being a brother that I really do recommend joining a fraternity to almost anyone who has 'fun' on their list of top priorities for Dartmouth.
That being said, do not take pledging or the freedom of your time at Dartmouth lightly. These are the words of a specific type of person who felt he could not fully commit to one brotherhood because of interests in academics, involvement with campus organizations and, most importantly, because of the diversity of houses his friends were rushing. And in my humble opinion, if you think you could devote your career as an Ivy Leaguer to better use than a fraternity, I'm just letting you know that I am unaffiliated and there is nothing I regret about my choice.
