Over the next few months, throngs of excitable young people will seek refuge from global warming inside the air-conditioned womb of the multiplex, where they will be treated to that particular brand of sensory assault known as "the summer movie." Every summer, Hollywood lets loose a thundering stampede of enormous films, full of the hottest stars, the coolest special effects and the probable absence of little extras like plot. It's rampant commercialism elevated to the level of delirious pop, and I mean that as a compliment.
In case you missed the arrival of "Iron Man" and "Speed Racer" over the past two weeks, let me be the first to inform you that the summer movie season is here, and your eyeballs may never be the same. The parade of spectacle continues this Friday with the release of "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian." Like the first "Narnia" installment -- "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" (2005) -- audiences can expect a family-friendly "Lord of the Rings" knockoff, full of bright colors and religious undertones.
As far as I'm concerned, it's all just gravy for "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," which arrives in theaters the following weekend. Steven Spielberg is back behind the helm for the fourth installment of this immortal franchise, in which Indy (Harrison Ford) tries to stop a Soviet plot for world domination. Though plot specifics have been kept under wraps, the trailer suggests that "Indiana Jones" will be the old-school adventure movie to beat this summer.
Two weeks later, Adam Sandler rears his talentless mug to play the title character in "You Don't Mess with the Zohan," a comedy about a Mossad agent who travels to New York to become a hair stylist.
If the thought of Adam Sandler in booty shorts makes you want to vomit in your mouth, try to focus instead on "The Incredible Hulk," which hits theaters on June 13. Five years after the artsy, angsty "Hulk" (2003) tanked at the box office, Marvel Studios has retooled the franchise to add plenty more action, including a 26-minute fight sequence between the not-so-jolly green giant and his nemesis Abomination.
Steve Carell is back to his usual tomfoolery as a clueless secret agent in "Get Smart," which hits theaters on June 20, while Angelina Jolie vamps it up as a mascara-drenched as Art During the Reign of Philip III assassin in "Wanted" (June 29).
July gets off to a bang with "Hancock," an action-comedy starring Will Smith as a superhero with a public relations problem. The trailer looks pretty bland, but never underestimate the popular appeal of Smith's $100 million smile. Still, I'm holding out for "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" (July 11), in which everyone's favorite demonic detective goes up against a mythical society of warmongers. Directed by Guillermo del Toro (2004's "Pan's Labyrinth"), "Hellboy II" promises to be a masterpiece of animatronic wizardry, just like its criminally overlooked predecessor.
The tragic passing of Heath Ledger has done little to dampen the excitement over his role as the Joker in The Dark Knight (July 18), the latest installment of the phenomenally popular Batman franchise. Featuring the same creative team that made "Batman Begins" such a success in 2004, this sequel has piqued the interest of critics and comic book nerds alike.
"Step Brothers" hits theatres the following weekend, starring Will Ferrell as an idiot man-child who learns to love his newfound step-brother (John C. Reilly). If you're having a hard time envisioning this premise onscreen, just imagine every other Will Ferrell comedy ever made, only more so.
August kicks off with "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor," (2008) in which archaeologist Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) unearths yet another cursed burial site, thus unleashing evil forces upon the world. You'd think that after unleashing all those evil forces in "The Mummy" (1999) and "The Mummy Returns" (2001), Rick would have taken up stamp collecting by now, but I suppose that wouldn't have made for a very exciting sequel.
Stoners and film snobs alike are eagerly waiting to board the "Pineapple Express" (August 8), a dark comedy from indie auteur David Gordon Green that has been described as "The Big Lebowski" (1998) meets "North by Northwest" (1959).
Next up is "Tropic Thunder" (August 15), featuring Ben Stiller as an action star filming a Vietnam War movie whose belligerent director leaves the cast stranded in the jungle. Despite high anticipation, "Tropic Thunder" has already raised a few eyebrows for Robert Downey Jr.'s supporting turn as a method actor who undergoes plastic surgery to play the war film's black sergeant.
Finally, rounding out the summer movie slate is a film with the most inspired title of the season: "Bangkok Dangerous" (August 22), in which Nicolas Cage plays a ruthless hitman who falls in love with a woman during a routine assassination plot. I was disappointed to learn that "Bangkok Dangerous" was not actually the full name of Nicolas Cage's character in the film. But you can't have everything, I guess.
