Kate Chopin's classic novel, "The Awakening," documents the sexual emergence of its upper-class, female protagonist, Edna Pontellier. Metaphorically likened to a caged bird, whose chirping and twittering no one in high New Orleans society comprehends, Edna realizes that there does not exist an adequate language for her newfound sexuality. Disillusioned by the reality of her own social order and unwilling to conform to Victorian standards of femininity and motherhood, Edna, in the novel's conclusion, drowns herself in the ocean.
Although published more than a century ago, in 1899, "The Awakening" raises highly topical questions about the existence (or lack thereof) of a language for the expression of female sexuality. Today, open dialogue concerning the topic of sex in general is minimal. Discussion surrounding female sexual concerns, needs and desires, however, barely exists at all, and when it does, it is frequently detrimental. Consequently, the truths regarding women's sexual, mental and physical wellbeing are skewed, if not entirely shrouded in myths -- most of which have transpired from the depths of the vivid male imagination.
While I would hope that raw common sense would instantly dissolve certain sexual legends (the "no means yes" rule, for instance), there are a few such fairy tales that warrant additional discussion. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to notice that we don't live amongst the Puritans anymore. As there is no scientific evidence that might suggest that men have sexual needs that women don't, our sexual expectations for men shouldn't radically differ from those held for women. Furthermore, the double standard that exists concerning sexual pleasure -- that men are encouraged to enjoy sex, while women are often made to feel ashamed of their pleasure -- is both outdated and harmful to both sexes. Unfortunately, the specifics surrounding female sexual arousal and stimulation are still largely misunderstood. Most women will tell you, however, that sexual enjoyment itself is not under question.
Another troubling myth that should be dispelled concerns the angel-whore dichotomy, or the belief that all women can be identified as one of two sexual extremes. While most rational individuals recognize that the vast majority of women are neither committed lifelong virgins nor prostitutes, the inclination to cast females into the role of either extreme sheds some light on why women (and not men) are so reluctant to discuss sex. There's a lot at stake. But we all know that the same is not true for men, who are lauded for achieving "pimp" status. In "Investigation into Sluts," an article by Valerie Arvidson '08 in The Dartmouth Free Press, she notes that "with contraceptives as a tool and more choice than ever before, men and women are nearly sexual equals on the playing field. There is no reason why a woman who sleeps around as much as a guy does should be the one called a slut."
To me, the most troubling consequence of the existing silence that continually mystifies female sexuality is the degree to which we have allowed fictional representations of female sexuality to define and thereby replace the reality. In a consumerist culture that lives and breathes advertising, depictions of sexuality (most often female sexuality) are everywhere. We derive most of our information about sex indirectly through distorted images and catchphrases -- not through interpersonal dialogue or firsthand through primary sources. Pornography -- the popularity of which has swelled due to increased internet availability -- also radically skews perceptions of sexual reality as it allows (mostly) men to replace interpersonal dialogue and physical interaction with the staged digital alternative. Cindy Pierce, sex expert and author of "Finding the Doorbell," notes that college males enjoy pornography as it provides "an attitude and willingness they can't easily find in real life."
The unrealistic expectations about female body image and sexual attitudes encouraged by both the advertising and pornography industries only serve to further divide and distance men and women. With such idealistic and unlikely expectations of what's "normal" imposed upon women, female insecurities are heightened, and the silence regarding female sexuality is reinforced. It is for this reason that organizations such as Sexperts, publications such as Untamed and ideas such as The Real Beauty Initiative should be praised, supported and encouraged. To return women's sexual needs and desires to the spotlight and to dispel the many myths and glamourous representations that allege to represent female sexuality, both women and men need to remember and learn from the tragedy of Edna Pontellier. We must have the courage to create a language that finally gives rise to our own sexual voices.
