I have to admit, the view from this ivy-garnished ivory tower of ours is just fantastic! From here I can look down upon all of the people who go to inferior universities and colleges and mock them for their plebeian lifestyle. Plus, there's nothing quite like knowing that you're the best there is.
I have only one question: How did we get up here? Who built this tower? I've heard it said that it was our superior liberal arts education, but I find that hard to believe when I can count on one hand the number of people I've met who can name five Roman emperors or even name the artist behind "Saturn Devouring His Children." Sadly, there are far more people here who can name at least five fraternities or have expressed no more artistic creativity this winter than fashioning a snow penis.
The liberal arts education is what separates Dartmouth from a trade school, and the quality of this education supposedly separates a Dartmouth grad from a graduate of another institution. This education is designed to quench the great thirst for knowledge that an ideal college student presumably possesses, but unfortunately the vast amount of knowledge available these days has drowned us. More and more we become absorbed within and singularly defined by our majors, leaving a government and math major little in common academically to discuss.
The only things preventing us all from becoming the academic equivalent of white supremacists are the distributive requirements. At first glance, they look like nothing more than a desperate attempt by the physics department to get you to take Astronomy 2, but they are actually the final bastion of the liberal arts education. They are there to ensure that you are exposed at least once to every branch of knowledge. Even if you're a jock or nerd who only wants to row crew or solve equations, some basic knowledge outside of those interests will be helpful in your chosen field.
Unfortunately, even this is not enough.
In an attempt to avoid the classes that do not pertain to our self-proclaimed "areas of expertise," we turn to simple or large courses like Astronomy 2 and Earth Science 21 (the fabled "rocks for jocks") to ensure that we keep our learning to a minimum. What we end up with is the average student: a beer-guzzling insomniac who shuns work like the morning-after Blitz.
There's a solution to this, though, and all it requires is sentience, literacy and one sober night per week. Believe it or not, it's possible to educate yourself outside the classroom simply by pursuing the things you enjoy and find interesting.
The liberal arts education doesn't have to be solely about the ideas of dead, insane white men. I don't mean to sound like your flamboyant "caring coordinator" from sixth grade science camp, but learning can really be fun!
Say, for example, you're the type of weirdo who has a mild interest in clubbing baby seals and thinks that dead-baby jokes are hilarious beyond belief. Georgia O'Keefe -- a 20th century painter for whom everything was an allusion to the female anatomy -- would most likely bore you, but Francisco Goya's black period would not. On the other hand, wastoids who feel that life is illusory and doesn't make any sense could find Surrealist art intriguing.
Then there are the hilarities of history that are suitable for everyone. The Cadaver Synod is one such example. In 897, Pope Formosus was posthumously tried and convicted by his successor, Pope Stephen VI, for various crimes including perjury. Then, after he was declared unworthy of the papacy and his body was thrown into a river, local Romans began to speak of rumors that his body was performing miracles, prompting a popular uprising against Stephen VI. Good stories don't have to include a game of beer pong.
Perhaps Dartmouth should offer more exciting courses ("History 21: History's Comic Relief for Jocks"?), and perhaps the student body should take more responsibility for its own education. Either way, the general trend that our liberal arts education has begun to follow must be stopped.
If we don't remember how to maintain the ivory tower that we all secretly cherish, then it's going to crumble away below us.
