"To the members of the Class of 2008, you made it! On this great occasion that concludes your college career, take it from me, [to be determined], that your journey through life has only yet begun."
These are the generic words that will echo across the Green on graduation this coming June. Until late April, the identity of this honored guest will remain shrouded in mystery and intense speculation.
In the fall, the 2008 Class Council canvassed its constituents for their Commencement speaker nominees. The resulting laundry list ranged from the conventional (Bill Clinton, Bill Gates) to the trendy (Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert) to the sublime (Bill Bryson, Maya Angelou) to the potentially illiterate (Tony Hawk, Johnny Knoxville). Skimming down the lengthy wish list, one tidbit seems obvious: most seniors want the College to bring star power to Hanover for the Big Day in June.
Sure, the musings of the local TV weatherman might have made the cut for high school graduation back in Nebraska. But after doling out $150,000-plus into Parkhurst's coffers, seniors at this Ivy League institution hunger for an authentic marquee name -- not the ramblings of Assistant Secretary of Commerce Joe Blow '73. Without a doubt, many students would like to wave their magic wand and make Parkhurst book the brainchild behind Harry Potter and Hogwarts, but it's too late for that; Harvard already tapped J.K. Rowling for its end-of-year ceremonial exercises.
However, students should curb their lofty hopes that the College will deliver the Big Name for Commencement. Contrary to popular senior wishes, Dartmouth does not need to supply A-list celebrity headliners come June.
The personalities that Parkhurst have opted for in recent memory have fallen short of seniors' stratospheric aspirations: historian David McCullough, author Elie Wiesel and anchorman Tom Brokaw. And just last year, the appointment of Treasury Secretary Henry Paulsen '68 as graduation speaker threw the Class of 2007 into a tizzy. Reactions varied between "ugh" to "who the [expletive] is Henry Paulsen?"
Yet in the end, star power at Commencement detracts from Dartmouth's rite of passage. A Very Important Person would only recite the same stale script from the Book of Life Lessons that could have been blathered at any other school. Tony Blair cannot meaningfully comment on living and learning in Hanover. And would the perky wisdom of Food Network goddess Rachael Ray really offer closure to graduating seniors? Doubtful.
When the Class of 2008 reminisces about its four years at the College, the graduation speaker -- whether it is rock superstar Bono or economic policy wonk Paulsen -- will be far from the forefront of its memories. Inevitably, the sermon articulated would be chock-full of cliches: do what you love regardless of financial concerns (even though the speaker usually has the comfy cushion of a few million dollars) and never stop learning. Instead of shelling out $100,000 (Clinton's ballpark honorarium) to bring a high roller to Commencement, Dartmouth should invest the cash in ways that would actually benefit students.
The crowning of the graduation speaker should not devolve into an opportunity for a Gawker-style star sighting in Hanover. Seniors pining for Hollywood starlets at Commencement should simply fly out to the West Coast, purchase "star maps" and view Tinseltown TV tapings live in person or roam the halls of Congress to catch prominent politicos and scan the biographies of former chief executives for their life advice.
Right now, behind closed doors of smoke-filled backrooms in Parkhurst, the Council on Honorary Degrees -- staffed with representatives from the College of Arts and Sciences, the Tuck School of Business and the Thayer School of Engineering -- deliberates on the list of potential speakers. President Wright and the Board of Trustees will soon give their stamp of approval to the Council's recommendation.
To be blunt, student preferences boil down to one whisper in a chorus of competing voices. Thanks to price, scheduling and other considerations, seniors wield little impact on the ultimate selection of the Chosen One. It is doubtful that the Treasury Secretary topped the Class of 2007's short list. At the end of the day, students' pie-in-the-sky hopes are crushed. Tears are shed.
Do not worry. And do not whine come Commencement. More often than not, seniors with their hearts set on having celebrity speakers just want bragging rights against Dartmouth's rivals. But don't kids at the Big Green already have plenty to brag about?
