Or that's the basic idea. And make no mistake; it's a good one. What do Americans love more than watching other Americans behave like idiots purely for our own entertainment? And watching this feat ignominiously achieved via guitars and KISS make-up? Add to this riff-driven joy a refreshing cast: host Daniel Bowden, New Zealand's version of Ryan Seacrest; Johnny Rzeznik, the forever-young frontman of the Goo Goo Dolls; Sheila E., the requisite female softie prone to self-conscious antics and Dick, a condescending Brit appropriately named. And oh my! Our hearts are all aflutter. These people have connections to the likes of Pearl Jam, Prince and Ringo Starr. So obviously, this show must equal orgasm in D minor, right?
Well, sort of. It depends how desperate you are to be entertained and how immune you are to the rankness of yet another paint-by-numbers reality competition.
The first thing any devoted watcher of reality TV will notice is how unabashedly "Band" has stuck to the FOX formula for success, which still feels trite, unexciting and completely predictable. There's the bogus auditioning process, which features in equal parts no-talent hacks with depressing backstories, no-talent jerks from their parents' basements (Fifi Larue, the "heavy metal Santa Claus") and no-talent "loser time-wasters who like to play dress up," as judge Dick so lovingly phrased it.
Occasionally, between all the forum fodder and manufactured in-band tension, "Band" producers threw America a bone and let us see what a serious contender on the show would actually look like. But mostly we were made to suffer a la Alex de Large: bound to a chair, corneas assaulted by floppy emo hair, old attic T-shirts, ripped Hot Topic jeans and skinny ties.
"We're gonna bring it like it's already been broughten ... only more!" the frontman for Beatles-emulating group Tres Bien! exclaimed shamelessly before the band's performance that would land them in the top 12.
Upon subsequently smashing their sunflower-emblazoned instruments, Tres Bien! helped make two things evident. One, this new show could potentially be far more entertaining than "Idol" ever was, if only because we could see people destroy things while they butcher songs and lose credibility. Two, while these people are destroying things and doing their best impression of Johnny Napalm from the Guitar Hero series, we as a nation are going to be cringing more than we ever have -- because there is nothing more frightening than 'tween boys, complete with cheetah-print belts and metal crosses across their chests, thrusting convulsively to glam-rock vibrato vocals. Nothing, I say.
The parade of delusional hopefuls, however, was later tempered by the few gems of genuine talent that the show did produce. ("Band's" quick progression from the hacks to the talents was a big plus over "Idol.") Among the finalist groups to impress this jaded reviewer were Dot Dot Dot, The Muggs, Sixwire, Franklin Bridge, Rocket and Light of Doom, each of these groups presenting a solid, unique sound and carefully cultivated image. For quite some time, MySpace pages for these bands have been gushing with praise, encouragement and promises to vote, and the bands appear to embrace the musical niche and cultural demographic that loves them the most.
As you can tell, it's fairly difficult to offer a definitive verdict on "American Band." The show shamelessly rehashes the all-too-familiar elements of the country's favorite pop cheesefest and just pours that melted goo all over mop-haired guitar players. At the same time, however, we can now witness believable musical talent in many of the finalists the show's been weeded down to. Let's just say this: if you are truly hungry for more mindless, formulaic pop culture entertainment, then you should dig into "Idol's" recently delivered, mostly healthy, somewhat prone-to-biting sibling show.
