If you dream of rushing Kappa like I do, then you probably know that the runway shows for fall 2007 are already through. Alas, isn't the waitlist for those slouchy trousers by Proenza Schouler wretched? I hope I get my pair in time for first rounds!
Back in the real world however, it's spring. On Madison Avenue, les Champs-lysee and Mass Row, it shows. Even the turf of Fahey-Sculley field looks like a catwalk as far as I'm concerned.
Okay, really back to the real world: I was going to start this article with a lame comment about how "green is the new black," but then Sustainable Dartmouth beat me to it with that mass blitz last week. So I played the KKG card. Not terribly creative, I know. Sue me.
Anyway, I'm not talking about just any shade of green, I'm talking about the dye PMS # 349, that lovely shade of piney forest green that's supposed to make our hearts flutter faster -- you guessed it, Dartmouth green.
Nobody is wearing this spring's trendy vibrant green better than the men and women of Dartmouth's most elite modeling agency, Dartmouth athletics. From the tennis courts to the golf course, the turf to the open sea, Dartmouth's athletes rock the latest looks in Big Green apparel.
Of course, not every team wears the green as well as others and obviously, I can't help but rank them as good or bad, attractive or unattractive, so here it is ... Spring Sports 2007: Best and Worst Dressed.
Best Dressed
Baseball. Ahh, baseball. It's hard to go wrong with such a classic American silhouette. This is the Ralph Lauren (Purple Label, obvi, scoff!) of Big Green athletics. Those tapered pants are a legit miracle of athletic fashion; I don't think it's possible to look bad in baseball pants. And what better way to accessorize your cheekbones than with a handsome dark green batting helmet!
Lacrosse. The men's team makes the list for sheer dedication to accessories. From their shoes to the stripes on their socks -- even the fingers on their gloves are green and white! And, oh, those men's lacrosse players, so demure, so understated! Just a calf here, a forearm there, that's all the skin these men are willing to show.
The women take the high road as well, in classic Calvin Klein fashion. Their uniforms are simple as a rule, their skirts a solid sheath of our beloved green. If women's lacrosse were a celebrity on the red carpet, it'd be the always reliable Jennifer Aniston.
Equestrian. When your sport inspires one of the biggest trends of last fall (riding boots) and when it was only last spring that style icon Madonna had a 58-page spread in W magazine dressed entirely in equestrian garb, chances are your sport is stylish. The equestrian team is currently riding a revived interest in its classic uniforms and accoutrements. There's something intangible about this sport -- the money, the class, the large animals and whips ... it reeks of sex. Stylish sex.
Worst Dressed
Crew. No one is more scandalous. Think of J. Lo's green Versace Grammys dress and you'll have a basic idea of these little outfits. Both men and women don these spandex, skin-suctioning contraptions. They're essentially a sluttier version of the unitard, just a touch less revealing than a leotard. Under normal circumstances, the outfits are far from flattering. However, when the lower half of your body is inside a boat and there's nothing but biceps on display, it's not so bad -- still, just writing about these outfits makes me uncomfortable.
Softball. I'm really just not sure what's going on here. The softball uniforms are a strange mix of tight-ish pants and baggy tops. The strange placement of green and black stripes makes the tops look oddly sleeveless, and the uniform numbers are asymmetrically placed on the front of the shirt. This is probably practical, allowing the number to be seen when throwing or hitting, but honestly, these outfits need a serious overhaul.
Golf. Yawn. Booo-ring. All over the country grandfathers, middle-aged men and econ majors are already wearing khakis and polos to death. It's been done. The whole country club and collar-popping trend was lame when it happened, but it's over. The golf team needs a new look, badly. They should take a serious gander at the whole legging trend.
Of course, there are a few teams whose fashion statements are just not interesting enough to rank. The track team: eh, whatever. Sailing? Life jackets. I guess "volume" was big this spring, but honestly.
But then, there's tennis. Tennis is one of the most fashion-forward sports in the world, thanks to the ingenue Maria Sharapova and the work of shrieking bad-asses-cum-fashion designers Serena and Venus Williams. Tennis is traditionally one of the most influential sports in the fashion world and its uniforms are always changing under the influence of designers and trends.
Recreational tennis players know that your style is just as important as your backhand. Martha Canning '09 mentioned a tennis racquet designed by Chanel that she saw in Vogue.
"One of the old ladies at my yacht club plays with the same racquet ... I wanted to steal it off of her bench and run," she said.
But here at Dartmouth? The tennis team is far from the cutting edge of fashion, or even tennis fashion. They look fine, they look good. The women's tank tops are a nice green with curve-flattering white stripes. But clearly there is room for improvement. Lindsay Winingham '07 of the women's tennis team, commented on the impracticalities of their uniforms.
"We have short green skirts that have this awkward tendency to fly up. When we went [to] Florida and played outside in the wind, I think the fans saw a lot more of the Dartmouth women's tennis team than [they] were expecting," she said.
Now, yes, the Dartmouth women's tennis team might count the twins Danielle Murray '09 and Jennifer Murray '09 among their ranks, inspiring comparisons to Mary-Kate and Ashley, but let's not take the teen celebrity comparison too far -- we don't want the tennis team looking like Britney Spears getting out of her limo every time they step out on the courts.
"We are currently looking for skirts that don't cause us to flash the crowd every time we hit an overhead." Winingham said.
From Paris to Milan, Mass Row to the tennis courts, life is a catwalk, and if you think athletics are an exception, trust me, you are sadly mistaken. Who cares about a championship if you don't look good in the pictures? And there's no such thing as a loss as long as you lay down game and look hot along the way. In the end, athletics are just like life: it's all about looks, reputation and your clothes.
