Unable to wrest my mind from homework and papers for too long (just kidding, I'm not taking classes, suckers), I failed to come up with a coherent thesis for this list. Instead, I present something simpler: good ideas. These are suggestions for action for Dartmouth students not yet overwhelmed by apathy and disillusionment; I'm looking at you, '10s.
Moratorium on op-eds about Israel in the D
Stop. Just stop. You took Govy 5, very impressive. When you've actually interned for a think tank or reported on the latest fatwa from a bomb-scarred Middle Eastern city, you will be allowed to act as if your opinion on international affairs is worth hearing for anyone who didn't just share a bong with you.
Hijack Advance Transit
I'm not suggesting anything dangerous or destructive; just a playful DOC Trips-style prank on one of the most visible and ignored civic institutions in our midst. "If this bus doesn't tear onto the Green and disrupt Ultimate practice in the next minute, it will explode!" "Really?!" "No, but come on, man, it'll be awesome."
Go to more sporting events
In general, college sports are just a good time.
Plus, not watching a football team because it doesn't win is a vicious cycle. And they fight! It's like Nascar; half the fun is waiting for someone to lose control. And not like Nascar, because we're educated.
Comprehensive pong statistics
I don't think I'm the only one who would love nothing more than to know my throw-save success rate per formation. Detailed game-by-game numbers would allow pong to be taken even more absurdly seriously, which, I don't need to tell you, is exactly what this campus needs.
Campus taxi service
Walking around campus? Please. Such a company would make more profit than a blitz tax.
President Wright's open office hours (yes, he has them) dressed as emo'd-out Main-Street-bench-haunting Hanover High townies demanding automatic entry to Dartmouth and the immediate return of Dashboard Confessional
Self-explanatory.
