With our Student Assembly elections upon us, and my inbox clogged with about 3,000 campaign-related messages, I feel it is my responsibility to share a small truth with the student body about student government. Student government, in whatever form it takes, is really nothing more than an elaborately conceived farce, designed to convince members of the student body that they have a say in the administration of the institution in question.
In reality, the concept of student government actually diminishes our ability as students to affect meaningful change within the system. It shifts the nexus of power from the student body to a small and quite impotent panel which deals face-to-face with the administration. Especially at a campus as computer-savvy as Dartmouth -- where students can arrange just about anything in a few hours via a few blitzes -- we have an incredible amount of power to organize and compel the administration to do, within reason, what we want. All a "governing" body like the Student Assembly does is strip us of our political clout and replace it with apathy -- there's no compelling reason to get up and do anything because "our elected representatives can handle it for us."
If the Student Assembly -- or any student governing body for that matter--had any sort of real power over the administration, the above situation would not be so absurd. However, because it is the administration that holds all the cards, dealing out a concession here and granting an indulgence there, the Student Assembly is weak and ultimately powerless. This is the ideal situation for the college "brass." A small group of popularly elected individuals, under the illusion that they are working for change, is much easier to deal with then 4,000 angry college students demanding concessions. What better way to keep the student body docile and submissive than to grant them the appearance of real power. This way, we sink into our apathy while our "representatives" congratulate themselves on getting us a trip to Montreal, or some stupid thing.
Think about it -- what administration in their right mind would ever hand over control of the school to the students? That's like the inmates running the asylum. We'd have bedlam -- sweet glorious bedlam. Can you imagine what school would be like if we had the run of this place? There would be some real credence to those Camp Dartmouth T-shirts. If I were the head of a student government with some power, we would see some real change. I would immediately cancel all papers and finals, install HDTV's in every room, demobilize Safety and Security, build a wall around the campus to keep Hanover Police and townies out, require every building to sell baseballs during the springtime and every day would be Tubestock. I would be like one of those Central American "strongman" dictators -- with my dark shades, CIA backing and bemedaled military uniform of indeterminate rank. For that matter, I would stage a full-scale invasion of the far coast of Occum Pond and seize the houses there for my staunchest supporters so that we might live in luxury. I would liquidate all campus publications except for the party propaganda paper, to be entitled The Green Dawn.
Sounds sweet, don't it? I did warn you that there would be real change if I, or any other student was at the reigns (forgive the pun, but I just couldn't help myself). Perhaps my neo-fascist vision of Dartmouth's future -- a Green Dawn if you will -- has inspired you to realize the absurdity of student government.
On that note, I would advise the student body to be skeptical of this whole situation and take it with a grain of salt. So the next time you see a blitz or a flier advertising a trip to Montreal planned by the Student Assembly, remember this is exactly what the administration wants, and that if you feel the need to amend this reprehensible situation by instating me as campus dictator, I wouldn't drag my feet too much.
