Following in the footsteps of such journalistic luminaries as Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters and Bonnie Bernstein, The Dartmouth's Steven Orbuch catches up with the big sports names on campus and asks the questions that others have too much professionalism or integrity to ask. Today, Orbuch sits down with crew star and sex symbol Dan Donoho '06.
The Dartmouth: With finals period looming, Sophomore Summer is nearing its end. What has been the highlight of your summer so far?
Dan Donoho: I saw Michael Phelps was looking a little down after taking bronze in his featured showdown with Ian Thorpe. So I talked to my friend Sean Robinson '05 and he gave me Phelps' e-mail. After an intensely motivational conversation, I think the results can speak for themselves.
The D: The most disappointing moment of my summer came last week, when someone told me that the cast of the '90s NBC Saturday morning show "California Dreams" didn't actually play their own music. What's been your most frustrating moment this summer?
DD: One day I woke up, and our dog Argus was gone. Argus and I have become very close this summer, much to my girlfriend's dismay. The week he spent in D.C. with Greg Holtz '05 almost killed me (or maybe it was the back to back games of 56).
The D: As many among your die-hard fans know, as a alumnus of the Dartmouth debate camp, this is not your first summer up in Hanover. Hypothetically, if you were to have hooked up with one your instructors, while at the program, would it have added or subtracted from your debate camp experience? Hypothetically.
DD: It would have been nice, hypothetically speaking. Illegal, but hot. Speaking of illegal, did you check out Carly Patterson in women's gymnastics.
The D: When imagining what qualities make someone a stellar reporter for The Dartmouth, like me, being devilishly handsome and having a charming personality come to mind. In your opinion, what qualities make a good oarsman?
DD: Patience, rhythm, desire, "The Final Countdown" by Europe and an easily expandable stomach. Oh wait, you said rowing. In that case, all you have to do is put in the work, and you can live the dream.
The D: As a competitive rower, I'm sure you've been intrigued by the Olympic rowing events. Besides rowing, what is your favorite Olympic event and why?
DD: Women's beach volleyball. They have cheerleaders for a sport in which the competitors wear bikinis. Cheerleaders!
The D: This year's Olympics have been highlighted by the controversial disqualification of a number of athletes for using banned substances. Recently, you were disqualified from the Third Annual Shortest Torso Contest for taking an over the counter decongestant that contained the banned substance, sudoephedrine. Because of your personal experience, do you empathize with the banned Athens athletes?
DD: I think every athlete will do whatever it takes to win their event. This desire to excel must not extend to illegal or negative behavior. Whatever the rules of a sport are, competitors agree to follow them by entering in their events. Athletes who engage in doping cheapen the achievements of all who compete in their sport and represent the worst of modern sport. On a completely unrelated note, my butt itches. Also, Misty May is really hot.
The D: Dartmouth Rowing, unlike some of the College's other athletic programs, is best described as having unique camaraderie among its men's and women's squads. Please comment on this dynamic, specifically in regard to your interactions with the women's squad during your Freshman Fall.
DD: There are so many amendments in the Constitution of the United States of America.I can only choose one. I plead the fif'.
The D: One of your fellow oarsman remarked, "Dan catches the most crabs on the team." What exactly does "catching crabs" mean in rowing terminology?
DD: Catching a crab occurs when your oar gets stuck at the finish for too long. Catching just one crab can cost you the race. But don't get the wrong idea -- I haven't caught a crab since freshman fall.
The D: Another teammate added, "Dan Donoho is the biggest loser on the team." Again, can you clarify what that means for those of us not familiar with rowing lingo?
DD: They're probably just jealous of my exploits with Olympic gymnasts and debate camp counselors. I get that a lot.
The D: During Winter term, I noticed that you often walked around in boot-stained jeans, sweatshirts and Timberlands. What was the purpose behind this stylistic tour de force?
DD: It makes doing laundry a lot easier when you only have to wash one set of clothes (that is, if you wash them at all). Also, wearing dirty clothes to class is a great way to make sure you snag a whole row to yourself, even in Econ 1.
The D: In addition to hanging out, what other community service have you done this summer?
DD: Just the other day I traded pong games with a girl who wanted to play with people who liked the Olympics. It felt good to do something like that.
The D: Of course, this issue of The Dartmouth is the last of our Sophomore summer. As the Class of 2006 enters its final two years at Dartmouth, what are you most looking forward to doing during the remainder of your stay in Hanover?
DD: It's not really what I'm looking forward to, Steve, but where. And it's not really one thing, it's more like seven. So I've got a lot of things to look forward to.
The D: Additionally, this may be the last installment of CampUS Weekly due to concerns that I am too awesome and getting too many girls because of the series. If this is the case, how does it feel to join an exclusive company, which includes only Pangiotis Savidis '06 and Kelsey Wiegmann '06?
DD: Well thank you Steve, it's been a pleasure and an honor to be on the list. Hopefully now the campus will know the true me and not the distorted god-like celebrity figure they see on Nike commercials and in Sports Illustrated.
