A lot of things are happening in the world of politics these days. The Bush-Kerry showdown is just beginning. Russia is being overwhelmed by secessionist attacks. Europe has approved a constitution for the EU, while Iraq's new government is barely able to conjure up sufficient support among Iraqis. Most of what's happening has to do with politicians and their (usually) dirty games. So, I thought I should publish my list of favorite politicians.
At the top sits Al Gore -- no, not the wooden Al who was Vice-President for eight years, but the all-new finger-jabbing Albert Gore Jr. He was awarded the Time Magazine's Performance of the Week award for his most spirited show ever -- Gore called Bush "the most dishonest President since Richard Nixon," lashed out at the war in Iraq and "demanded the resignation of six key Administration officials." Gore has discovered that a politician actually needs to show a few facial expressions and hand movements to rally his supporters, albeit 4 years too late.
Next is President-for-life Vladimir Putin of Russia. Vlad is not your run-of-the-mill dictator. He is, in fact, quite influential -- he controls a veto on the Security Council, even though his armies are continually defeated by ragtag secessionists. He gets to decide whether Iran should have nuclear reactors or not; never mind what the rest of the world thinks. He gets invited to G-7 meetings, though his country's economy is only slightly larger than that of the Netherlands, which is seldom invited to such economic forums. He can support genocidal dictators such as Saddam Hussein with impunity and slaughter thousands of civilians while avoiding Slobodan Milosevic's fate. And, finally and most importantly, he still gets to wear his cool KGB uniform!
Third is erstwhile presidential candidate Howard Dean. He was appointed "distinguished visiting fellow" at our Rockefeller Center even though he could only manage to win a single primary. He won Vermont -- but then, even turncoat Senator Jim Jeffords wins Vermont. Ho-Ho's new Ivy League appointment makes him eligible for a top slot on my list!
Next up is former President George Bush. How cool it must be to jump off a plane at 10,000 feet when you're 80-years-old, to hobnob with the world's most powerful men, to be able to call the president of the United States anytime you want, to have the CIA headquarters and a nuclear powered aircraft carrier named after you and to get invited to the 2008 Beijing Olympics as a special guest of China's top man. Way to go, President!
President Jacques Chirac of France is fifth. He deserves the title of "Grand Old Man" of French politics. First elected to the French Parliament in 1967, when President Bush was still at Yale, he has served as Mayor of Paris, Cabinet Minister, European Parliamentarian, Prime Minister and President since 1995. Jacques has become increasingly isolated in the past few months and his approval ratings are down to 35 percent. His opposition to the Iraq war and bullying attitude have evaporated his popularity among European leaders. With the induction of new EU members, he has lost his grip over that body -- he could not even install his candidate as European Commission president. At home, Chirac faces a power struggle in his Union for a Popular Movement party. The French economy is in a seemingly perpetual slump with a budget deficit of 4 percent of the GDP and a 0.1 percent annual growth rate. The only saving grace is that Le Bulldozer does not face any elections till 2007.
Rounding off the list is Ahmad Chalabi. Described by retired General Anthony Zinni as one of the "Rolex wearing, silk-suited [Iraqi exiles] in London," he was, at one point, earning $350,000 per month tax-free for supplying Iraqi intelligence to America. He was almost destined to become the next Iraqi President but fell from grace when he started criticizing the slow rate of progress in Iraq. Of course, his fate had more to do with false reports and defrauding the American administration in Baghdad. In fact, Chalabi has significant experience with fraud -- he was convicted by a Jordanian court in 1989 to 22 years imprisonment for $400 million bank fraud while his family banks were shut down by Switzerland and Lebanon for questionable practices. Newsweek described Chalabi as "banker, politician, schmoozer, spy." I would add thief and liar.
Bill Clinton deserves an honorary mention, if only because he claims credit for economic growth initiated by a now dead president, Ronald Reagan. His 957-page epic, "My Life," hit bookstores to rave reviews. Fortunately, a few reviewers were able to get over their infatuation with Clinton and give us the real deal: it is "sloppy, self-indulgent and often eye-crossingly dull" and full of "meaningless drivel." And we thought Bill Clinton was the greatest president since Roosevelt.
