Editor's Note: This article was written by a member of the Dartmouth Club Hockey Team. Readers are advised that while the results of the games are represented accurately, other information, including characterizations of players, coaches, and opposing teams, may be exaggerated, or even ficticious.
On Friday and Saturday the Dartmouth Club Hockey team celebrated its glorious conception with the third annual epic tournament known as the Kraev Kup, in honor of the its founding father, Alex "Sasha" Kraev '01. When Kraev gave birth to the Dartmouth Hockey Club back in the cold, dark days of the fall of 1998 it came into this world screaming its lungs out violently and crying for motherly attention. Since then, the club has matured into an elite organization of the highest caliber that sends fear into the hearts of its non-varsity opponents at the mere mention of its name. The past, present, and future players have been, are, and always will be, much indebted to Kraev's efforts, and it is in further tribute to him that each hand-carved Kraev Kup trophy is inscribed in Russian with Kraev's own words of wisdom. Unfortunately, no current player can understand them, except for recently reinstated team bruiser, Anthony Balsamo '04, who refuses to translate them for anyone else.
For the third straight year, Dartmouth did not win the Kraev Kup. The trophy instead went to the Berlin Kings, an inferior team whom the Clubbers beat earlier this season 5-4.
Despite Dartmouth's inability to capture the Russian gold, they still managed to put up a good fight, losing only 6-4 to Berlin in the championship after having walloped New England College 9-1 in the semi-finals. This letdown was heart-wrenching for many, but Captain Jon Webster '04 expressed particular disappointment, "Friday night was scintillating in a Jenny McCarthy-MTV type of way, but Saturday was much more Bea Arthur-Golden Girls type stuff."
As Webster said, Friday's game against New England College was a dazzling affair. Sadly, through various underhanded dealings and other forms of debauchery, the statistics for that game have been "lost." However, there is substantial evidence to support the notion that Dartmouth goaltender Charles Rosenwasser '06 fell asleep at least once.
Dartmouth returned to the ice the next day to play in the championship, and, as is characteristic for the Clubbers, managed to follow their resounding victory with an upsetting loss. Despite the dramatic in-conference debut of fearsome player-coach, Mike O'Neil, Dartmouth never succeeded in pulling ahead of Berlin at any point during the game. Trailing 5-4 with a minute remaining, Dartmouth pulled Rosenwasser from the net and consequently gave up an empty netter.
Goals for Dartmouth were scored by Roy Small '04, Russ Daiber '06 and Greg Dadekian DM, who had two. However, discrepancies existed in the championship's scorekeeping, as Small explains, "I'm not sure why they gave me credit for that goal. I was there and I distinctly saw me not score it. But I appreciate the gesture and I hope whoever did score it, probably Landsberg or Dadekian, doesn't mind."
More importantly, Balsamo's return to hockey this weekend proved worth the wait as he rained doom upon Dartmouth's opponents from the conductor's seat of his imaginary train. "When I was growing up my dad used to tell me about a spectral locomotive that used to rocket past his house every night at midnight. I like to think of club hockey as that spectral locomotive. Especially when I'm hungry. Trains get you to places to eat faster," commented Balsamo, returning to the bench after having received a particularly nasty hit from a Berlin goon that resulted in his being sprawled out face down on the ice for several minutes.
The Dartmouth Club Hockey soap opera continues next Saturday when the team travels to Berlin for a much-anticipated rematch.
