Last year, the Dartmouth Hockey Club finished with the all time best record in team history with ten wins and thirteen losses. After a lousy first half of the season, the Clubbers recuperated and barreled their way through the second half, winning seven of their eleven games during the winter term. Despite the recent success, this year sadly looks set to be one of substantial rebuilding due to notable losses in both management and on the bench.
Late last spring international superstar and venerated Club Hockey Head Coach Jacques Gerbille mysteriously disappeared. Last sightings reported having seen him heading north on I-91 in a dark green Jeep Cherokee with Connecticut plates. Ever eager to do his part for the greater good of the club, "team geneticist" Anthony Balsamo '04, attempted to clone Gerbille. But he didn't succeed, and the real Gerbille's whereabouts remain unknown.
To counter this tragedy, club management pulled a last minute deal and secured raging Irishman Mike O'Neil, as Gerbille's official replacement. Despite fundamental differences in coaching philosophy, player reactions to the addition of O'Neil have been overwhelmingly positive. "O'Neil's coaching technique is really innovative. He seems to rely a lot more on drills that help us practice functioning as an actual team rather than on charisma and charming good looks, like Gerbille used to do," said one player who wished to remain anonymous for fear of potential retaliation from Gerbille. "His English is a lot better, too. " Club players have in the past frequently attested to Gerbille's often violent outbursts towards critics of his English language skills. "But, hey, what do you expect from a French Canadian?" commented the same player.
Unfortunately for the Clubbers, Gerbille is not this year's only loss. Three of last year's four leading scorers will also not be returning. Of the four only Captain Jon Webster '04 has not completely and utterly abandoned his teammates. Despite the loss of key players Peter Hanbury '03, Chris Grieco '03, and Josh "Pass the puck, Hanbury!" Navikonis UG, Webster remains impressively cheerful and upbeat about the approaching season, "I'm eagerly anticipating our first game of the season. Like a fat kid waiting for birthday cake, I can barely contain my excitement."
Webster also expressed enthusiasm for the long-awaited return of team bruiser Balsamo. Last year Balsamo was a scratch for a large portion of the season due to what Dick's House professionals have only been able to identify as "a nasty cough". Balsamo's condition temporarily worsened in late September when a loss of personal identification complicated his affliction. However, he quickly recovered and the team breathed a collective sigh of relief.
Team veterans also welcomed newcomers Christine Beauchemin '07, Dan Rich '06, Jocelyn Singer-Sargent '04, Justin Zalkin '07, Joe Dwyer '06, Echo Love '04, Sam Slee '04, Jenn Buck GR, and Alex Tee UG to the fold. All are welcome additions to the team and all have displayed the high level of dedication and determination necessary to be a member of this exclusive club team.
The Clubbers next hit the ice at Thompson Arena on Saturday, October 18th at 3:15 against the Berlin Kings.
Roy Small is a member of the Dartmouth Club Hockey Team.
