As the first anniversary of the Dartmouth community's tragic loss of Half and Suzanne Zantop approaches, friends and colleagues are still grieving.
Last year, news trucks surrounded the Green, memorial services were held and administrators offered consolation to the community.
However, in the chaos of the weeks following the tragedy, it was difficult for many to fully comprehend the loss.
Audrey McCollum, a neighbor of the Zantops, was celebrating her husband's birthday on the day of the tragedy. Her husband rushed to the scene and saw the Zantops just after they were murdered.
"It was such a shocking sight," she said. "I feel a fury at the impact that it has had on my husband. He said that this has been the most terrible year of his life."
For the McCollums, the pain has lasted, and they are just now coming to terms with their true emotions. "I realized that what I've been feeling is sheer terror, and I realized it was terror I hadn't let myself feel before," Audrey McCollum said.
Feelings of denial aren't unique to the Zantops' neighbors.
"I kept thinking it wasn't true. I'm beginning to realize that it is true," Professor Susannah Heschel of the Religion Department said.
"What's so overwhelming is the uniqueness of a person, and they were so unique and extraordinary. We'll never, ever have people like them again."
Heschel said that the unique qualities of the Zantops extended from their personal relationships into their professional lives. She added that Susanne and Half Zantop were invaluable to their departments, and they will be difficult, if not impossible, to replace.
Half Zantop was an economic geologist, and according to Earth Sciences professor James Aronson, his specialized knowledge enriched the Earth Sciences major.
Aronson said that without Half's expertise, students will not be exposed to economic geology.
He said that the gap will probably not be filled, because Half was the last of a dying breed of academic economic geologists.
Half's presence will also be missed on the Earth Sciences Foreign Study Program, "The Stretch," which is a hands-on field research program that spans the United States and extends into Mexico. Half was the leader of the Mexico segment, the last segment of the trip.
"By the time the students get to Mexico, they've been all over America, and they're tired," said Aronson. "He took those students and somehow reenergized them. His teaching was far above the rest."
Susanne Zantop was respected around the world for her studies and, as a German Professor, intellectually linked many departments, according to Heschel.
"German Studies are central to the humanities. Whether it's history, religion or literature, the humanities are linked to German Studies in one way or another," Heschel said.
The loss of the Zantops can't be measured simply by the gaps left in their departments.
"Half's smile was like a blessing," Heschel said. "Susanne was my friend on many levels."
"Susanne attended every lecture I organized," Heschel added. "She had a wonderful way of entering other's intellectual agendas. She was my intellectual mentor."
"Half acted carefully and with goodness and fairness. I'm always seeing things that remind me of [the Zantops]," Aronson said. "And maybe most importantly, they were just fun to be around."
The couple attended many meetings on campus together, and were always interested in the professional goals of their colleagues. According to Aronson, there was no other couple on campus more socially and intellectually connected than the Zantops.
Time will eventually dull the pain felt by the Zantops' friends. However, for many, the pain will never fade away.
"They were very good friends, and we feel an aching sadness at their deaths," said Audrey McCollum, "and we will probably feel it for the rest of our lives."
