Last winter, I began to notice some problems with the '97s. There was nothing that I could put my finger on at first, it just seemed as though they were becoming distant. Many of my friends became antisocial, refusing to even consider getting involved with someone. At first, I thought that as a class they were somehow just bad when it came to relationships. In retrospect, I think that this was their way of lessening the blow of leaving their friends. "If I let our friendship fade away, then I won't be as hurt when I have to leave."
I started to think that the problem was a "senior thing," that the '98s would soon follow in the footsteps of those who went before. I pictured watching good friends becoming more and more bitter as we got closer to graduation. I could see them becoming unwilling to start any new relationships, even friendships, because it would mean having one more person that they would have to say good-bye to. I started to see the same attitude with friends who were going off campus for a few terms. But I was still missing something.
The more that I thought about it, the more frustrated I became. Too many people that I know refuse to share themselves with others because they are afraid of what will happen when it comes time to say good-bye. I feel like shouting at them, "Wake up! What are you going to do when you leave Dartmouth? Are you going to go out into the world and then when someone asks you out say that you can't see them because it would really be terrible if you started to like them, and then they got hit by a bus?" Everyone I knew was looking for guarantees before starting a relationship. Well, I'm sorry, but there are no guarantees.
My new theory is that you can't have expectations when you enter a relationship. Expectations are a trap that we all set for ourselves. Too much can happen in any relationship for you to be able to prepare for it in advance, or many times, for you to even see it coming. What is wrong with getting involved with someone even though you don't know how things will turn out? Who cares if our D-plans assure us that we won't be together again until our senior fall? I'm sick of people being afraid to get involved because of what "might" happen. How can you expect to get through life this way? When someone won't get involved in a new relationship just because it is past the fourth week of winter term before he or she graduates, there is something wrong. "No, we can't see each other because what if I end up liking you? What if I decide that I like you a lot? We'll just have to separate in June and we'll both get hurt." Yeah, well what if we have dinner once and decide that we can't stand each other? In my experience, that is much more likely to happen.
If I ask out a '98, I'm fully aware that he won't be here next year. But somehow, he forgets that his class year is common knowledge. His reaction will be, "Gee, I can't get involved with a '00. I'm graduating, and she'll get too attached to me. I don't want to hurt her, so I'll just deny myself the chance to get to know her better and, just maybe, to do something fun with the time that I have left here."
Well, duh, I knew that you were a senior before I asked you out. The difference between us is in our expectations. I expect to go out, hopefully have a little fun and either arrange to try it again sometime in the future or start looking around for a new '98 (hey, I like older men, what can I say?). You expect for me to fall for you and become a burdensome complication during your senior spring. Yes, this is a possibility, but the point is that neither of us will know how things are going to turn out until we give it a shot. If we become too wrapped up in our expectations, then all of our relationships will be doomed from the start.
