I returned to Dartmouth a week early in order to get re-acclimated to being at school. I needed time to set up my room and my accounts and time to stop referring to myself as a '99 -- although our grades may change, we're zeros for life. My freshman year there was a big debate about what they were going to call us: 2000's, zeros, 2k and oughty oughts were all suggested.
I remember one woman at the Dartmouth Bookstore who asked what year I was -- when I told her I was a zero she became very concerned and said "don't say that about yourself, honey you're not worthless, you're very important." It would have been futile to try and correct her.
In addition to having time to get my things in order coming to school early provided me with an extensive opportunity to observe the 'shmen. Last year I was amazed at how easily the upperclassmen could tell I was a '00. Now when I look at the incoming class I realize just how obvious I must have been and why there's no secret to recognizing 'shmen.
First of all, freshmen will introduce themselves to everyone-- in the halls and bathrooms, wherever. As my mother was helping me move in last weekend, a 'shmen down the hall stopped her. First she introduced herself and then asked my mom's name and if she lived in French. My mother nearly embraced the confused, and at this point slightly frightened-looking, 'shmen and then repeated "thank you, thank you," as she practically floated down the hall.
Another characteristic of the 'shmen is that they already think it is cold. These poor naive freshmen from warm places like Hawaii and California are already decked out in spanking new fleeces and sweaters to help them brave those "freezing" 50 degree nights. Besides the sweaters and the fleeces an additional dead give away that you have spotted a 'shmen is that they dress nicely. The 'shmen haven't yet slipped into the typical Dartmouth winter wardrobe of sweatpants and old tee shirts. They are still wearing "outfits," their clothing matches, it is accessorized and the girls even wear make-up. A good hint for 'shmen trying to recognize upperclassmen is that we're the ones that look like we've just rolled out of bed.
'Shmen are easily identifiable through their conversations. If you listen to one of these conversations you will notice that they haven't yet picked up the Dartmouth lingo. I keep hearing them say how they are going to "e-mail" each other, and what's worse is I have even heard a few say "I'll call you."
Finally, the most glaringly obvious characteristic of a 'shmen is they are never alone. They travel in shmobs. These groups can be as big as 30, but are never fewer than 10. The groups move painfully slowly. They amble directionless across the Green, possibly in search of other shmobs but, more often, they just seem to congregate. I have noticed that their favorite place to cluster is either in the middle of the road or directly across any sidewalk I need to walk through.
.This year's freshmen are no different than the freshmen of years before. We all entered naive and unsure, but we learned quickly, and I have every confidence these new freshmen will do the same. Within a few short weeks they will be undifferentiable from the rest of the Dartmouth student body. That is, except for the few hopeless freshmen who will never remember that the middle doors to Dartmouth hall are just decorative.
