To the Editor:
I can't believe it! This is ridiculous! I walk out of my 10 on Monday and I see this giant tree, a Christmas tree, stuck right smack dab in the middle of our beloved Green. I'm truly appalled. Doesn't our President Freedman realize that people who don't celebrate Christmas find this utterly offensive, a complete insult to their beliefs?! Next thing you know, and he'll have a giant menorah out in front of Collis. And I can't believe President Freedman referred to it as a Christmas tree! Is every one on campus a Christian? Obviously not. In order to be inclusive of all religious beliefs, shouldn't we be calling it a Holiday tree, not a Christmas tree?! And while we're on the subject, why do we refer to our college President, the person who represents the Dartmouth community, as President Freedman. Unbelievable! I'm surprised the woman at Dartmouth have been able to suppress their anger this long! We must all make an effort to refer to our dear President as President Freedperson from this point on. And here's the thing that truly outrages me ... okay, so its fine that our College doesn't recognize insignificant holidays such as Presidents Day, Labor Day, Veterans Day, or Columbus Day ... but can you believe they force every student on campus to partake in a holiday that's celebrated by eating turkeys?! If I was a vegetarian, I'd be staging a protest on President Freedperson's lawn right now. Anyway, at least I can finally look forward to a tree lighting without having to hear those hideously offensive Christmas songs. Maybe by next year, we won't have to put up with Jingle Bells or Frosty the Snowman either. But anyhow, its about time the College took the Christmas out of the Christmas tree lighting ceremony. And I'm glad our administration has finally found the time to deal with real issues on campus, secularizing the school and ousting ol' traditions. I just hope that before I graduate, President Freedman... whoops, I mean Freedperson, will mandate that anyone who refers to the tree as a Christmas tree be Parkhursted. Everyone, I urge you to please respect me, you, an the rest of the Dartmouth Community... call it the Holiday tree. Thanks. And by the way, we will be holding a massive protest on the Green the night of Dec. 6... um, I'm not exactly sure what we're protesting, but be there. It might be fun. You might even get to see the Holiday tree get plugged in.
