Sunday night, as I locked the doors to the Bentley Theater, I had what alcoholics call "a moment of clarity." I realized that I was closing the doors on the final dress rehearsal of what will be my final show at Dartmouth. And for the first time, I was hit by the fact that my time here at Dartmouth is over.
Until I closed up those doors, I never really thought that leaving this place was going to hurt. I had been telling myself that I was going to be glad to leave, that I have spent enough time at the Big Green and I am more than ready to move on. For some reason, I seemed to think that the final stretch was going to be as easy as finishing off a little bit of work, doing a couple of papers, packing and saying a lot of good-byes. But that is not the case. At all.
This is the end of an important part of my life. It's also the last time I'll see many of my close friends for what may be a long time. I think it was this, more than anything else, that hit me like a ton of bricks.
If you haven't already guessed, I am going to be graduating from this place very soon. Like most other seniors, I will be moving on to 'greener' pastures next year. Unlike the others, however, I will not be sticking around for senior week and graduation. Instead, I am leaving the Dartmouth campus in two days. And the weight of that departure is now hanging heavily on my shoulders. This morning I began to put together the list of things I still need to do. And the numerous people I want to say good-bye to.
Figuring out how I'm going to say good-bye isn't going to be easy. My moment of clarity is making it even more difficult because, after I closed those doors last night, I sat down and reflected back on my time at Dartmouth, and I realized how little I have really savored my last term with my friends. Like many other Dartmouth students, I live my life in a bit too much of a whirlwind. Dartmouth College is an incredible place. It offers so much -- academically, extracurricularly and, yes, even socially -- that you can never really do everything you'd like to. For me, it was that psychology class that I never took, those climbing lessons I always wanted, that last dance I wish I'd had with that certain person... you get the point.
In trying to take advantage of all that Dartmouth has to offer, however, I for one, have tended to take on too much. Between interning, work, sports and the theater my schedule is almost always full and I usually fly from one activity to the next -- grabbing dinner when I can and sleeping sparingly. In doing so, I have accomplished many things that I am very proud of. But last night when I closed those doors and sat down, I thought about some of the things that have meant most to me here at Dartmouth. And I found that what is more important to me than many of the things I've done are those fleeting memories of those great times with good friends.
It's those times -- lying out on the Green, hanging out late night and talking till dawn, dancing till the wee hours of the morning and then heading to Harry's... (again, you get the point) that I think I am going to remember the most. And that ton of bricks is really making me wish that I had another month to squeeze out a few more of those memories before I leave...
Two and a half years ago, I came to Dartmouth as a transfer student who wanted to study Engineering in a liberal arts environment. I leave Dartmouth on Wednesday with aspirations of a career in Fine Arts. Tonight when I open up the doors of the Bentley Theater, for my final opening night, I hope to see a whole host of friends. And say many of my good-byes. But it's going to be a lot harder than I thought. Especially when I find myself wishing that I had spent a little more time with them over the last couple of months.
And so, on the eve of my departure from Hanover, I just want to say two things. First, a word of advice to those who follow. What you accomplish is important. But so are the people you do it with and the people you meet along the way. Do it all if you can. But don't neglect those who make you happiest.
