My resume never stops growing! It's too bad I dropped out of corporate recruiting, because my list of titles just keeps getting bigger. And I thought "Second Person in history to discuss masturbation on the pages of the daily student newspaper," was going to be the last entry for sure.
Now I am officially a "Power Broker" (and it isn't a euphemism for someone in sales at the electric company). I was informed of this honor over BlitzMail. About two weeks ago I got a blitz from some guy named Muhammad. The subject was "From the Beacon."
Now maybe I'm overly mystical, but when somebody named Muhammad is calling down to me from the Beacon, I pay attention. My life is hard enough without having to dodge lightning bolts. So I read on.
Turns out Muhammad is working on an article for The Beacon, a conservative campus publication. Quoth the blitz, "The Beacon is writing a feature article on the "Power Brokers" of Dartmouth College."
Who the hell do these people think I am? To help answer this question I went to find out who else had been blitzed. They had covered most of the bases; there was your The Dartmouth person, your Student Assembly person, and your fraternity person. Also on the blitzlist was "The Afro-American Society."
This is the point where I started to question the divine status of this Muhammad character. If he and his gang are so clued into the Dartmouth power structure, then why don't they know the names of any "Power Brokers" in the black community? Instead of asking around, they just blitzed the AAm. Impressive reporting, Muhammad!
But, hey, I'm never a snob about seeing my name in print, and I am pretty powerful. What do I say back? How does one answer the question #3.: Why, do you think, are any of you power brokers?" Uninspired, I blitzed Muhammad some crap about my ego and my morals. But I've thought about it a lot since then.
It's all really indicative of the state of campus discussion right now. The Spare Rib is but some dying embers, and the rumors of its rebirth have yet to come true. When was the last time anybody heard from the Bug? The Black Praxis? When it is published, it is not widely distributed outside the black community.
And what of the conservatives? Between brainlessness and aimlessness respectively, The Dartmouth Review and the Beacon are both horribly mired in their own boring drivel: two terminal cases of dysentery of the word processor.
The "liberal" voices that are around don't fare much better. Faculty leadership is centered in Tom Luxon, whose most recent flash of press coverage involved a showing of the "Hell Night" video tapes. Tom dashed any hopes for a serious discussion as he stormed out, insulted by the comment, "Why don't you let us watch it for ourselves?"
The problem is not that students are completely apathetic. As today's rally against intolerance indicates, there is enormous concern about campus issues at the grass roots level. But the occasional rhetoric of a rally is no replacement for the consistent, well-developed thought that can come out of a publication.
Here I am, the Power Broker who has rigged the last two Student Assembly elections, who secretly masterminded the New Reuben at the Hop, who picks which enemies of the Movement will quietly get "Parkhursted." And yet, with all my power, I can do nothing about the current dearth of public, printed debate.
But these are the sorts of frustrations that come with the Power Broker business. Fortunately, I can always vent my troubles at the secret Power Broker Binge Drinking Sessions, held weekly at the Ivy Grill. I'm in charge of those sessions. Yet another great resume builder.
