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Two weeks ago we saw one of the greatest returns ever experienced in sports history: like “Michael Jordan stepped out of retirement” great. If you haven’t guessed it by now, I’m talking about the spectacular return of NARP Meets World. But if you thought distance would make the hearts of my editors warmer, it is with a heavy heart that I inform you that is fake news.
I told myself I’d never venture down this godforsaken path again. I swore an oath with my right hand on my last column that I’d never write another NARP Meets World for the rest of my time here at Dartmouth College. Yet I find myself sitting in the deepest abysses of the stacks, attempting to procure a comedic smattering of entertainment from this tangled mess I call my brain. I am by every precedent and definition washed up, but I am here to dabble in the devil’s craft once more.
It seems like it’s that time of the term again. As the temperature outside continues to drop, our hearts for each other only grow warmer. We are reunited with the familiar faces of our friends, unabashedly running across the halls of Baker Lobby for the sweet embrace of friendship. And as we are greeted by a fresh set of classes, with our grades still undetermined, we fix our gaze at the green light at the end of the dock —— inspired to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. But in the midst of this quixotic naiveté, we forget about the darkness we must traverse through in order to reach that light. Don’t be fooled for even a second, as this is only the calm before the storm.
And just like that, we’ve reached the final stop of a long and arduous journey: the last edition of NMW.
From the very inception of NARP Meets World, it’s been a constant war of attrition between the editors of this paper and myself. Each week I bang my head against the wall in hopes of a semi-entertaining joke finding its way in the paper. Most of the time, it’s an incontrovertible strikeout. The only funny thing is how pathetic the column is. But every now and then, I am able to produce a witty joke that manages to get a small chuckle. These moments are exactly what I live for. You guys, my readers, are the only reason why I continue writing this nonsense of a column every week. I live for the fans, die for the fans.
Week 8: A Struggle
It has been almost three weeks since the release of the best thing ever to happen to Dartmouth College after the opening of Hanover’s third consecutive Thai restaurant: NARP Meets World. Each week, I effortlessly tap into my inflated ego and weave together a string of absurd self-assertions about my prowess. The best part about this is that even though nothing about my character lends a shred of evidence for such proclamations, you guys love it. In this fast-paced, 10-week hellhole we call home, the only consistency is my column. With each article, you seek refuge from the toxic academic environment of the Lone Pine through NARP Meets World, living vicariously through the grandiose tales I reliably produce on a weekly basis. But it’s time to wake up. NARP Meets World is nothing more than Gatsby’s green light beyond the docks, a nebulous fantasy of social mobility I mercilessly constructed out of nothingness to provide you all with a few moments of ignorant bliss. Nothing about this column is real. I just wish I could say this is as bad as it gets.
I promised myself I would never do this again, yet I once again find myself in the land beyond the pride. Going against every single thing I have learned in Disney’s “Lion King,” I find myself with no choice but to venture down to the darkest realms Dartmouth has to offer.
The Beginning of a New Era
In just a mere three weeks, Dartmouth’s women’s volleyball team (6-4) has already accumulated half as many wins as it did last season (12-11). The Big Green closed out five of their six wins thus far in straight sets, already beating their 2015 record of sweeping only two games. With such a promising start and 15 matches left in this season, the team is currently on par with a promising trajectory. The question thus remains: why is the women’s volleyball season finding success so early on in this season compared to last year’s?
As Dartmouth welcomes in a new class of students, the women’s rugby team welcomes Stacey Bridges as its new assistant coach. But unlike eager first-years with months to plan and pack for their arrival, Bridges arrived empty handed, having been offered her position only in August.
Matt Giegerich ’19 first picked up a squash racquet at around 8-years-old, following in his brother Brian Giegerich ’18’s footsteps. Matt Giegerich never though he would become a college squash player, but this past year he was named Dartmouth men’s squash’s team Most Valuable Player for contributing to the squad’s historic season.
At home in Hanover, the co-ed sailing team placed seventh out of 18 last Sunday at the New England Inter-Collegiate Sailing Association Dinghy Championship, qualifying them for the Inter-collegiate Sailing Association National Championship in San Diego, California. In collegiate sailing, there are three main events: team fleet racing, women’s fleet racing and co-ed fleet racing. Over the past two weeks, both the women’s fleet and team fleet racing teams qualified for nationals, making this year the first time since 2007 all three events qualified for the national championship.
Every great thing starts off as a small idea. In the fall of 2015, Tony Choi ’16 had a dream: to start a Powerlifting Club at Dartmouth.
In the very first round of the prestigious Varsity Cup invitational tournament, then-No. 50, now-No. 11 Dartmouth’s men’s rugby team upset then-No. 11 now-No.12 Pennsylvania State University with a 30-25 victory last Saturday, catapulting the Big Green up in the standings posted on Goff Rugby Report.
At the fourth game of the season, and the first home game, the men’s lacrosse team fell 7-6 to Wagner College at Scully-Fahey Field for the first time in program history. While the Seahawks improved to 2-3, the Big Green falls to 0-4.
Men’s squash finished its historic season, ranked seventh in the country, while the No. 9 women’s squash took home the Kurtz Cup for first time in four years.