Types of People You See at Green Key Concerts

By Lucy Tantum | 5/19/16 2:54am

This weekend, the Green Key performers are sure to be great — but the people in the crowd will probably be more entertaining. Some students have been preparing for this weekend since the Sunday of last year’s Green Key, and other students are actually townies with hilariously bad, fake Dartmouth IDs. Here are some of the people you’ll see at this weekend’s concerts. Where do you fit in?

The person who is trying with all their might to get to the front row, even if it means literally walking through people

The short person who spends the whole concert standing on their tiptoes and passive-aggressively glaring at the tall people

The tall person who stands like an unmoving, impassible wall, blissfully unaware of all the short people struggling behind them

The person who already has a painful-looking sunburn

The person who’s slightly too sober and cynical for all the debauchery happening around them

The plaid-flannel-clad, eyeliner-wearing person who cannot get overPop Punk

The Hanover High School kid who made a fake ID on their mom’s computer

The person who has lost their friends, their phone and their dignity

Everyone in the crowd going wild when the chorus of “Take Me Home” starts

Lucy Tantum