27 Belated Mother's Day Gifts

By Fiona Ewing | 5/9/16 6:55am

There was a lot going on last weekend: Pigstick, Woodstock, Mud Pit and the 44th annual Dartmouth PowWow. You spent all of week six fighting yet another losing battle in the war against academic rigor—it's only fair that you milked the weekend's festivities as a chance to forget your troubles and relax. But you know who never gets to relax!? Your mom! And you know what else was this weekend? Mother’s Day!

Of course, you could bank on the fact that your mom didn't notice that you forgot Mother's Day, seeing as you haven't spoken to her since week two when you called to have her ship the pair of headphones you left at home. But is that a risk you are really willing to take? Instead, why not get her something from this list of I’m-so-sorry-I’m-a-horrible-child-please-accept-these-belated Mother’s Day gifts?

1. Fine dining featuring leftovers from Pigstick
2. Something you bought from a PowWow vendor
3. A cameo on your snap story
4. EBAs
5. The extra-large 2019 sweater that’s on sale at the Coop
6. A “Grandma” mug to scare her
7. A “Dartmouth Mom” hat
8. Alternatively, this bucket hat:

9. A scrapbook of screenshots of your most-liked GroupMe messages
10. Her own pong paddle
11. Your unused Morano Gelato gift card
12. A poem in which you reflect on the mistakes you’ve made in college and guess what hers were
13. A trip to The Skinny Pancake because “she reminds you of one”
14. Access to your Amazon Prime account
15. A (borrowed) piece of art from the Hood Museum
16. Change your first name to her maiden name
17. Sell an organ on the black market so that you can make the next tuition payment yourself
18. Health and wellness brochures from Dick’s House
19. An assortment of Novak candy bags
20. Boxed wine
21. Dr. Seuss books
22. Your old textbooks
23. A Tinder account
24. Selfies of yourself at every location of the Dartmouth Seven
25. Some more flair (to add to her collection from the ’80s)
26. A Skype call
27. An actual job/future for yourself

Fiona Ewing