Ten tips for a successful Winter Carnival
10. Don’t do the polar bear swim drunk — you will die.Do do the polar bear hungover. Experience has proven it will cure you instantly.
9. Wear your black North Face fleece.In fact, wear all your black North Face fleeces. The introduction of the campus Listserv has vastly depleted the availability of campus lists, and, as such, my inbox is achingly devoid of that particular, infamous missive asking for the return of a (stupidly) worn unidentifiable black jacket. '15s may not have even know what a black North Face fleece blitz is! Lose your jackets, for God’s sake keep your car keys, passport and other ill-conceived items in there and revive this valiant blitz because, y’know, “lest the old traditions fail” and all that.
8. '12s: BUY YOUR CARNIVAL SHWAG.T-shirts. Posters. Everything. This is your last Carnival, so you might as well attach some material nostalgia to it. Everybody else: Don’t buy Carnival stuff. You will accumulate enough crap throughout your time in college.
7. Don’t be mad when climate change once again foils the winter sculpture plans and turns it into something vaguely reminiscent of the female anatomy,a la 2009. Instead, take a nice long drive in your gas-guzzling SUV and be grateful they decided to sculpt a cupcake rather than, say, Firetower.
6. Lock your doors.I cannot emphasize this enough. Do it because you don’t want to have to spend Sunday explaining to your parents why you need several thousand dollars for a new computer so you can do that homework you’ve procrastinated since Wednesday. Strange alumni will be here, strange friends from other schools, strange people from the real world in surrounding New England. All sorts of people with questionable motives flock to campus, knowing that there will be enough unfamiliar faces out and about for them to blend in while they engage in their less-than-legal pursuits. During my freshman year, a crafty criminal took advantage of a big weekend and made off with two laptops, several iPods and cash from my and my floormates’ rooms. LOCK. YOUR. DOORS.
5. Drink water. Eat food. Water: Keystone. Food: (only) EBAs.As always, take care of yourself and your body, and take care of others around you.
4. Go to the Ski Team Tailgate.(Hi, Corrinne!)
3. Read The D’s review of old Carnival traditions.(Hi, The D). It’s nice to know why we make such a big deal out of this weekend.
2. Remember where you put your jacket, gloves and hat!It’s going to be -6F on Saturday — yikes!
1. PACE YOURSELF.We have four long days ahead of ourselves, and nobody likes a quitter.