Hot Takes: Max Zhuang ’19 talks love of Golden State Warriors

by Max Zhuang | 9/11/16 11:19pm

Hot Takes: The Warriors (Week of Sept. 5 to Sept. 12)

I woke up this morning thinking about the Warriors and how excited I am for Kevin Durant. I made coffee, checked my email and headed to the gym. For not even one second could I stop thinking about buckets. Buckets for Curry. Buckets for Thompson. Buckets for Draymond. And most importantly, buckets for KD. Everyone else in the world probably hates us Warriors fans. From calling us pansies to making memes that also call us pansies, existing as a sentient fan of the Warriors involves being made fun of, a lot. However, I can assure you guys that we don’t care. What can I say, “they hate us ‘cause they ain’t us.”

6:30 p.m. Sept. 5, President Barack Obama: Colin Kaepernick, “exercising constitutional right” — One of the largest sports stories to come out this summer was Colin Kaepernick, the backup quarterback of the San Francisco 49ers, sitting out of the national anthem during preseason games. By refusing to stand for the national anthem, Kaepernick is trying to bring attention to what he considers “failings in the United States’ treatment of racial minorities.” Obama got involved, saying what Kaepernick was doing is cool and it is; it’s peaceful, sincere and has brought attention to racial issues in America. Even my 3-point shooting angel Steph Curry applauded Kaepernick “for taking a stand.” Will Kaepernick be remembered as this generation’s Rosa Parks? Should someone else rather than the backup quarterback of a mediocre football team head the protest? I don’t know. I do believe that Kaepernick is aware of the controversy and it’s rejuvenating him into one of those football guys that goes on to have a surprisingly decorated career in politics.

2:02 p.m. Sept. 6, Filipino teenager blocks Steph Curry’s shot — If you haven’t heard, Curry has been “on tour” in Asia. During the tour some teenage kid blocked Curry’s shot and sports memes went bananas. When the media gets more chances to criticize major athletes like rockstar tours, public appearances and whatever other debauchery J.R. Smith is up to, it becomes only a matter of time before someone screws up. Today, when everyone has a high- definition camera in their pocket, celebrity status means something much different than it did a decade ago. Back then, we expected our heroes to be flawless. Remember when LeBron had a basketball camp and got dunked on by a high schooler? Oh you don’t? That’s probably because he had the tapes confiscated. And that was as recently as 2009. Imagine what ESPN would have to say, today, if Curry tried to remove the footage of his tour and hide it. Anyways, firing up the hot take cannon: Ayesha leaves Steph Curry within the next four days.

11:51 p.m. Sept. 6, my best friend sends me a selfie in his new Durant Jersey — Warriors propaganda has become inescapable. And selfies are gross.

7:11 a.m. Sept. 8, Mets sign Tim Tebow — Look, he’s a professional athlete and you’ve got to respect it. His contract includes a $100,000 signing bonus. The guy plays sports for money, leave him alone. There’s almost no chance Tebow will make the bigs and the Mets are probably just riding out the last of Tebow’s relevancy to generate publicity.›› As the Warriors start to fall into a one-game losing streak during the middle of the season, I bet we sign Tebow and he quickly rises from the ashes of mediocrity to become this generation’s Brian Scalabrine.

11:00 a.m. Sept. 10, Jerry Jones buys Dallas Cowboy-themed helicopter — Jones, the owner, president and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys, bought himself a new helicopter and had this to say: “You can shoot out of it. You can shoot pigs out of it. You can do a lot of things in this helicopter.” Enough said.

1:00 p.m. Sept. 10, my Fantasy Football season officially begins — I completed my last draft online with some buddies. My main takeaways include the following. Cam Newton is taken way too high — don’t be the dude that picks him in the fourth round. People do not give Matt Forte enough respect; aside from the fact that like everybody else he is one year older, the Chicago Bears mindlessly choosing not to keep talented players is not necessarily a bad move. Just ask his teammate Brandon Marshall. Lastly, why can’t there be any football super teams? The only time outside of Fantasy that I’d be able to see Ezekiel Elliott, Rob Gronkowski, DeAndre Hopkins and Golden Tate on the same team would be in the fraudulent mess of what they call the “Pro Bowl.” We have super teams in basketball. Talk to Derrick Rose who officially has moved on as the face of the Chicago Bulls to form a “superteam” in the Knicks, which he believes is “in the same class as the Warriors.” Or look at the Chicago Cubs in Major League Baseball, achieving 90 wins this past weekend. I challenge Jerry Jones to build a superteam, since I think he’s the only person who is both insane and self-confident enough to do it.