Upon arriving, I found my sister hanging out with her friends at her off-campus house. Everyone was very welcoming and nice, but I felt awkward. "What did they actually think of me?" That thought bounced around my head the whole weekend. Did they really care about me, some high schooler who had never experienced college before? I felt sort of isolated the whole weekend. My sister may have been with me, and we went on many trips around the area, and I had a great time, but I found myself always wishing my sister and I would get a chance to finally go for a drive to get ice cream in West Leb, or the moment I got a chance to call my parents and give them updates on my weekend. This isolation may have been my own fault, but the whole weekend I felt the world moving around me, and I was simply a ball being kicked around from place to place, from event to event, from party to party, just observing everything. Was it worth it for me to be there? Everyone was nice to me, everyone was excited to meet me, but somehow I felt like I didn't belong. Perhaps it was all the introductions, each just the same as the one before, each ending in the person I was talking to leaving to go talk to his or her roommate. Maybe I was too young to be thrown so quickly into this situation, but I certainly did not feel like Dartmouth was for me. I was left thinking, "Is this college right for me?"
Of course, here I am now at a place I can proudly call my home, a place I love and cherish beyond imagination. So where did the transformation happen? When did I change my mind? How did I come to like the idea of college?
For one thing, I finally hit puberty. I matured physically and mentally. By the time I began applying for college, I didn't feel like the young, helpless high schooler of old. I was also getting really excited about the next chapter in my life. I loved my high school and my friends there, but we all were anxiously waiting for the day we would become college students. I made my official visit and tour of campus the autumn of my senior year, on a rainy, blustery day. The Green was a swamp, every step I took was in a puddle and I could hardly go a few feet without having to shield myself from the rain pelting my face. Despite the weather, my tour guide was extremely cheery and just plain excited to be sharing her school with us. She made Dartmouth feel like home. She couldn't wait to show us Baker lobby, where she would meet with study groups to discuss the next exam, or the many options for study abroad opportunities or her experience in Paris on the foreign study program. I started to see myself more and more here. So I took a leap of faith and applied early.
The beginning of my freshman year was amazing. I could not have enjoyed the fall more. But how did I integrate myself so quickly into Dartmouth? After all, I was at first skeptical if I even fit in at all here. I lived in a single the whole year. Would I make friends? It took me a few weeks, but once I settled into college life, I found my group of friends, the people I would look to every day to go to lunch with, to go to the library with or just to hang out late on a Sunday night. I found my niche. And I really felt at home when I was sitting on the Green watching people building the bonfire for Homecoming, enjoying a sandwich from Dirt Cowboy and talking with my best friends, and I just looked around at everything. The fall colors, the sun, the beauty of the buildings around me I just knew that everything was perfect. I knew then that Dartmouth was my home.
What I want people to take away from what I have said is that college is a place where you can express yourself fully, without any regrets. There is no environment where people aren't allowed to be who they are in fact, it's encouraged. I love that while my friends and I may love doing one thing, and another group of friends love doing another, we can combine our experiences and really enjoy trying something new. I think that the diversity of the students here, all united by a passion for the school they attend, really makes Dartmouth what we all perceive it as. It's moldable. You have the ability to create your own unique experience. You have the ability to add to the recipe. And what you add to the recipe is the most important part of Dartmouth.
