This is the most important column you'll read all week. I'm going to prove once and for all that Class of 1953 Commons is objectively better than its smaller, elder peer, Collis cafe. This question has gone unresolved for many years, bringing into conflict some of the greatest minds that have graced this fair campus. Daniel Webster, an early advocate of Collis ("It is a small dining hall"), cashed in on "facetime" there, while Theodor Geisel reportedly pigged out in the cafeteria formerly known as Thayer between rhymes. Regardless of the views of past patrons, I will advance the my own opinions on why quantity far outweighs quality, rendering the Foco the superior location for making regrettable dining decisions.
During my tenure at this school, both dining halls have undergone serious transformations. One renovation made a serious difference in my tastes and preferences, while the other was overblown and inconsequential. After a long freshman year of no less than three iterations of Thayer dining hall, the present wonder that is '53 Commons finally opened, heralding culinary delights in every one of its spacious, well-lit corners. New Foco was such a big deal that Avicii stopped by to try a panini during 12W. Collis, on the other hand, after its "big restoration," remained the same cramped, backpack-strewn, line-prone mess with as limited seating as its original form. I realize that the renovations probably made the staff's jobs much easier, but the only tangible difference for me was even less table space, meaning more time spent jockeying with the resident Collis denizens who seem to never leave their perches where they do "work." (Note: nobody has ever actually accomplished serious work in Collis.)
A more reasonable issue for criticism revolves around the actual food being consumed in either locale. I'll level with you, reader; Collis may beat Foco in quality, ingredients used and the amount of love and attention paid to each dish. I don't believe in glutens, but Collis has options that don't use them. Plus, they remember my orders. I cannot say that about anywhere else, even classy establishments like Novack. The Collis smoothie is a delight, and I will admit that I have waited on the pasta line for as long as 15 minutes. Regardless of the reliable finery offered in Collis, '53 Commons has a far greater variety daily. With the plethora of options available, hundreds of combinations can be made, many of which would surprise the lazy cafeteria patron who only frequents instant gratification items such as cheeseburger pizza and fries. I have seen students spend over half an hour crafting dishes that would qualify as applications to culinary school.
One cannot overlook budgetary concerns. Many peers have expressed dissatisfaction regarding the DDS swipe system. This generally forms a Goldilocks-type argument regarding the worth of each swipe; that is, the allocated sum of spendable Dartmouth dollars at Collis per swipe are either too much or too little for the appetites of most patrons. The resort to DBA is thus inevitable. Even worse is paying the monumental sums for non-swipe entry to Foco. But the answer is simple if you're trying to get the most bang for your buck, always eat at Foco and only use meal swipes. No, this may not be the healthiest option, but I can guarantee you one thing: every time I enter Foco, the value of food consumed outpaces the money spent. Therefore, fiscally, every meal is a win.
Finally, I would like to address the issue of clientele. When prompted, my friends all noted the attractiveness of the crowd that regularly dines in the cafe. Foco, on the other hand, seems to be the haunt of a more mundane, albeit, less facetimey variety. As for setting, I prefer the ambience of the north side of '53 Commons, replete with high ceilings and mood lighting, to the cozy charm of Collis, but that is merely taste.
I hope that this article helps you make informed decisions on where to spend your precious DBA. One last thing you should avoid the price gauging of that trendy, sandwich-less fad known as KAF at all costs, but that goes without saying.
