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The Dartmouth
June 17, 2024 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

Vann Island

You guys all know by now that I love football. But there are a few things about my weekend that you probably don't know like how my schedule on Sunday from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. was booked about a week ago. Why, you might ask? The Golden Globes.

The Globes are not the Oscars, but I never miss them. Just like I enjoy watching Tom Brady shred the overmatched Houston Texans in Foxborough, the same can be said for watching Katharine McPhee leave Ryan Seacrest speechless on the red carpet. So in honor of the Globes, and maybe the best weekend in NFL Playoff history, it's time to hand out some awards.

Best Drama Baltimore Ravens vs. Denver Broncos

This was a tough call since the Atlanta Falcons vs. Seattle Seahawks matchup was also nothing short of spectacular. But there are no ties in the NFL playoffs, and there are certainly no ties in this column. Life can be unfair the producers of "Lincoln" definitely feel that way. But like "Argo," the Ravens vs. Broncos was special and well-paced.

Breakthrough Performance Shane Vereen, New England Patriots

This dude had four touchdowns all season and then scores three against the Texans. Vereen looks to be here to stay like Jennifer Lawrence, who won best actress for her role in "Silver Linings Playbook." We knew Lawrence could handle her own after the "Hunger Games." But taking down the likes of Meryl Streep and Judi Dench? That's cold-blooded.

Life Time Achievement Defense: Ray Lewis, Baltimore Ravens

Yeah, Lewis led the defense with 17 tackles, but his biggest asset is his leadership he's constantly firing his teammates up. Lewis always speaks his mind, regardless of the consequences. And Jodie Foster took a page out of Lewis's book last night when she discussed her sexual orientation. I hope these two do not retire.

Newcomer Colin Kaepernick, San Francisco 49ers

I'm pretty sure Kaepernick silenced any remaining questions about Alex Smith's future in San Francisco by setting the record for rushing yards by a quarterback in a single game. Oh, and it was his first playoff start ever. There will be many more playoff games for Kaepernick, just as the Magic 8 ball would tell you there are many more Globes awaiting Lena Dunham. After she swept her nominations last night for her role and directing in HBO's "Girls," I had to watch the pilot. And don't tell anyone, but I think I'm going to watch a few more episodes.

Best Actress head coach Pete Carroll, Seattle Seahawks

Quit crying about officials giving the Falcons' Matt Bryant a mulligan. I know you're just channeling your inner Claire Danes ("I love you Brody!") but now you have learned a lesson stop icing the kicker.

Best Director head coach Mike Smith, Atlanta Falcons

After a series of failures, Matt Ryan and Tony Gonzalez finally got it done when it counted under Smith's direction. Ben Affleck knows a thing or two about that after nearly a decade of flops. But Affleck joined a majestic crowd after he won Best Director, beating Spielberg, Tarantino, Bigelow and Lee, despite not being nominated for an Oscar.

Biggest Disaster Rahim Moore, Denver Broncos

How do you let Jacoby Jones get behind you and catch a 70-yard touchdown pass with 30 seconds left in the game? I don't know what was worse, that or Halle Berry's dress. Should have gone with the bathing suit from "Die Another Day" or at least your storm suit in "X-Men: The Last Stand."

Biggest Heartbreak Peyton Manning, Denver Broncos

Even if you're not a Broncos fan, your heart has to go out to Manning. The game seemed like it was in the balance and that the Broncos were sure to head to the AFC Championship after an incredible comeback season. Yeah, Manning isn't as hunky as Bradley Cooper, but you have to feel for Cooper after he got robbed of Best Actor by Hugh Jackman.

I'm not Amused Matt Schaub, Houston Texans

That's what the Texans fans are thinking about Matt Schaub. Andre Johnson, Arian Foster and J.J. Watt aren't good enough for you? Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell didn't do the trick for Tommy Lee Jones last night either.