The Great Vermont Corn Maze does not mess around. Four friends and I arrived at the maze in Danville 20 minutes after the maze's "last entry" at 2 p.m. They require arrival at least two hours before closing to leave yourself adequate time, and we joked that if necessary, we'd run through it to get out by 4 p.m.
However, the woman selling tickets was not amused and promptly informed us that running was not allowed. Neither were unsupervised children 15 and under, and lest you be mistaken, "Cell phones and radios are not considered supervision." Also, no cutting through the corn.
The stern ticket seller gave us directions for the first crossroads. Since we were late, we needed an advantage to get started: Of the paths labeled "Eenie," "Meenie," "Miney" and Mo," we were to choose "Miney." Miney led us up and across a bridge with a view of the massive corn field and the surrounding hills. The corn was too tall to use the bridge as a vantage point and plot our route, so we took Instagram pictures instead (I wish I was being sarcastic).
We were even more delighted when we later discovered a boat named the "French Toast," a tunnel that even had corn growing on top of it and two more bridges.
Inside the maze, we kept track of our location with "GPS" cards, which we punched at stations scattered throughout the corn labyrinth. Each station's hole punch made a different shape, allowing you to tell if you'd been going around in circles or were making progress. When we punched our second diamond, we knew we were in trouble.
What had started as a jaunt through some corn got serious. We started sending scouts ahead at each fork to choose the most promising paths. At one point, we thought we were clever for following the ringing of the "Bell of Success," but instead we found a "Bell of Frustration," with a sign that read, "This means nothing you may or may not be on the right trail. We simply put this bell here to add to your frustration. It's what we do." What trolls!
We were determined to finish the maze before the staff would start guiding us out at 3:30 p.m, so we began inquiring about the routes of fellow maze-solvers. They told us the elusive exit was somewhere between the flower and the moon hole punches.
Once we found the flower, instinct guided our turns, and somehow we reached the Bell of Success on the top of a hill overlooking farms against a backdrop of fall foliage.
The Great Vermont Corn Maze is awesome. Seniors, you should all pay it a visit because it's really easy to turn into a cliched metaphor for our Dartmouth careers/life. Like the Great Vermont Corn Maze, we arrive at Dartmouth not fully understanding the magnitude of the undertaking. There are many paths to choose from too many and you usually can't see what's ahead. You'll choose wrong paths and follow misleading signals and get frustrated. I wish there were a Frustration Bell in the library. You'll get "corn-fused." (Sadly, not my pun.)
But when you make it through, you might be pleasantly surprised by what you find. At the end of the Great Vermont Corn Maze, you'll find a nice view and some very cute baby goats. After Dartmouth, it's more uncertain.
You don't have to get meta at the maze. You can just get lost.
