Although we may be in the middle of nowhere, there is no shortage of places to appease your inner glutton after the sun goes down. Whether you're hungry, bored or just searching for something to keep you busy, late-night dining provides the answer.
"A lot of people just aren't sure what to do with their night," Ben Pundyke '16 said. "[Late Night Collis] is a social event you'll see people you know."
The most popular option for the late night crowd is found in the Collis Center, where you can find an ever-changing assortment of baked goods, meatballs and even occasional milkshakes from 9:30 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. (recently expanded hours, to everyone's delight).
Don Reed, associate director for Dartmouth Dining Services, said that Late Night Collis emerged as an alternative to the former Lone Pine Tavern.
"Lone Pine was provided by the campus as a non-Greek option for entertainment," Reed said. He said, however, that people were reluctant to pay for drinks when they were easily accessible for free at fraternities. As a result, Lone Pine was converted to One Wheelock, and the College focused their energy on Collis.
"Late Night Collis slowly developed into the more popular option," he said. "It made more sense to operate on a regular basis."
The goal, he said, was to provide quick, convenient, grab-and-go food. The undisputed favorite of students is the mozzarella sticks, according to Reed. At that time of night, both nutritional and financial responsibilities often seem like an irrelevant concern for students.
Elizabeth Reynolds '13 said that while she does visit Late Night Collis on occasion, she yearns for the days when FoCo was open late. With a grill open at night, there were more options available like burgers and grilled cheese sandwiches, she said.
"FoCo used to be the cool place to go," Reynolds said. "More people would go there late at night than to Collis."
Perhaps one of the most overlooked late-night eateries on campus is the East Wheelock Snack Bar, open nightly until 2 a.m. Many stick up their nose at the thought of trekking that far for a meal, but a lot of veteran snack bar visitors would say these students are not aware of what they are missing out on.
"You can buy a lot of the same stuff that you can find at Collis Market," James Verhagen '16 said. "Except you get the benefit of using your meal swipes."
At no other location on campus can you take advantage of your dining plan to get king-sized candy bars and raw cookie dough. As a tip, go when it opens at 8 p.m. if you have a dinner swipe to use up and spend your $10 on several pints of ice cream. Mom would be proud.
Past the borders of the campus, the supply of food begins to dissipate, and for non-DDS late-night munchies, we must head to EBAs. Their pizza, which Yelp! reviewers describe as "a mysterious petroleum byproduct" and "edible," still manages to attract huge business during the late-night rush. Before EBAs ends its service at 2:10 a.m., the phones never fail to clog, according to Danielle Paro, an EBAs waitress who works the late-night shift on weekends.
"Last weekend we processed between 150 and 175 tickets in the last 45 minutes," Paro said.
Although many customers often complain to Paro over the phone about slow service, she pointed out that producing that volume of food in a timely fashion and getting it sent out to the right places is no easy task. At some point, the EBAs kitchen does have to close.
In spite of some questionable reviews, we still find ourselves dialing their number weekend after weekend and ingesting volumes of food that we would never consume when the sun was out.
"Especially when alcohol is involved, people don't think about what they put into their bodies like they do during the day," Paro said.
While it may be true that we have come to embrace our dining halls and love the little knobs on the crust of EBAs, at a place like Dartmouth, we can never have enough late-night eating options.
"Most of our choices are College-owned, so they're controlling it," Pundike said. "You just don't have the option of going to all these places in town like at other schools."
It's common knowledge that pancakes and hash browns taste best after a long night, but finding decent ones here is almost impossible. Your closest options for a very late breakfast are The Fort and Denny's, but both of these require you to find a friend who not only has a car, but also is sober enough to drive you there.
When I was a prospie visiting Dartmouth, I sat outside Lou's with my family at 6:45 a.m. waiting for the diner to open before our drive back to the airport. I watched as three very enthusiastic, very drunk hockey players ran up and banged on the door, only to be turned away and told to wait for another 15 minutes. Later, our waitress told us that they had been outside the door three other times that morning, begging to be let inside for some food.
So why, Lou's, must you be so cruel as to deny us your cruller French toast in the early hours of the morning?
Toby Fried, who has worked at Lou's for 20 years, said they used to stay open 24 hours on the weekend. However, the little extra business was not worth the effort.
"College kids seemed to prefer pizza joints," Fried said. "So we mainly attracted graduate students and older people."
Orders were slow during the graveyard shifts, so Lou's ended its late night service shortly after it started. When I asked if Fried would consider extending Lou's hours again, his answer was a very direct "no." However, Fried admitted that the nightlife in town has expanded since he started.
"There are many more people here now," he said. "People actually come to Hanover for Hanover."
While Fried was insistent that he wants the focus of Lou's to be serving breakfast and lunch well, we can still dream of a day when we don't have to pull an all-nighter to get a decent plate of scrambled eggs. Sometimes, repeating history can be a good thing.
With no all-night diners within walking distance, we reach a dead zone past 2:10 a.m., and our only option is to head to CVS and see what things we can make out of Oreos, Tic Tacs and a jar of marinara. It's like "Chopped," but for college kids. These are the truly desperate hours when the school is trying to encourage us to just go home and sleep, but we rebel.
In all honesty, why shouldn't we? On a campus where public nudity and binge drinking seem to be normal late night recreation, shouldn't we be praised for a desire to eat ourselves into a food coma instead?
Frat dance parties are essentially a mix between Bikram yoga and a Zumba class, and our metabolisms are probably the best they'll ever be right now. Our late night carb consumption is not only respectable, but necessary.
So continue munching your way through the night without shame, and know that if you are persistent, you can always find a way to satiate your hunger. We may not have easy access to a Taco Bell, but that will not stop us. As Dartmouth students, we are intelligent, we are resourceful and we will always find a way to go to bed feeling sick from those mozzarella sticks.
