At a school where it's easy to constantly perceive perfection, admitting failure is difficult. No one cares to share that disappointing moment, and few wish to recall the feeling that erupted when success was unattainable. Filled with individuals who have excelled for years, Dartmouth consists of those who have always prided themselves on their achievements. What is not discussed, however, are those times when we struggled, even crashed and burned. In theory, we justify failure if it results from exploration and leads to personal growth but what constitutes failure here?
For freshmen, the transition from high school to college complicates their definition of failure. Thrust into a college environment, freshmen are already struggling not to depend on grades in order to define themselves.
"College is all about exploration," Natalie Shell '15 said. "You are supposed to fail."
That said, the concept of a GPA has not yet sunk in for freshmen myself included so we tend to live by this hypothetically optimism mantra.
After the sting of a less than perfect GPA sets in for our campus of overachievers, however, failure remains linked to academic performance. A '14 male, for example, pictures failure at Dartmouth as one-dimensional: you fail by failing a class, he said.
Failure for him was purely academic, he said, and he seemed surprised that someone could think otherwise. Whether his opinions were founded on personal values or his college experience thus far, this student found no interest in discussing his blunt views further.
Regardless of how much we've "changed" since high school, Dartmouth students have extremely high academic expectations for themselves.
"The only time academically where I felt that I failed, or let myself down, was having to drop a class because it was too rigorous," said an '09 male, reflecting upon his time at the College.
Many students come to Dartmouth accustomed to success, never having been exposed to an impossible test. We must question, therefore, how many students shy away from these challenges, unwilling to test the limits of their intelligence.
"I would never take a class that I knew that I would do poorly in," said a '15 female. "That seems like self-inflicted pain."
She referenced the competitive drive her private high school had instilled in her as a reason for such a mentality.
"My school programmed me for success, and I guess success meant [getting into] a good college," she said. "It's not cool, but I took classes I knew I would excel in, and I guess it worked out in the end."
Having been pressured to build the ideal resume, many students are unaccustomed to taking chances simply for the sake of it. After all, the sentiment she expressed is not unusual: Students distribute "lay-up" lists and discuss "slam-dunk" courses from Blitz to Baker-Berry. Are successful students uniquely risk-averse? When faced with insurmountable obstacles, do students choose to quit rather than fail or are some of us willing to sacrifice the A for something else?
"Failure to me is when I feel like I haven't worked hard," Jasmine Kumalah '12 said. "It's not necessarily the end process but more of how I got there."
Kumalah said that less than perfect grades did not necessarily discourage her.
"Success is not based on whether I got an A or B which is how I feel Dartmouth students depict failure but if I think I learned a lot in class," she said.
Kumalah said she does believe that Dartmouth encourages academic and personal exploration, yet that students themselves create an atmosphere in which failing to achieve success is looked down upon.
Though the fear of academic failure is prevalent in our community, disappointment also exists in not achieving certain social goals. To new students, Dartmouth seems like an environment in which everyone is involved in an inordinate number of activities. We are both intimidated yet exhilarated by the intense immersion into extracurriculars, and not participating in countless clubs and organizations seems to indicate some sort of failure.
Dartmouth students are seemingly "superhuman," said Annie Oppenheim '15, discussing the pressure she feels to join as many clubs as possible to keep up with her unbelievably occupied peers.
Without copious extracurriculars, she said, "I would feel that I was failing to experience Dartmouth to its fullest."
Another female '14 student sees social failure at Dartmouth as the inability "to connect with people on a personal level" despite our chronic over-involvement.
"There are so many amazing people here, so not being able to make genuine connections does not mean you are doing something wrong, but makes you feel as if you are missing out," she said.
Everyone is "constantly waving to people and greeting people wherever they walk," she said, seemingly indicating that everyone has a multitude of friends. Even Dartmouth advertises its close-knit community to prospective students, so those who find it difficult to instantly mesh with the community can feel as if they have failed to experience college fully.
"I couldn't find people I felt comfortable with, and I wasn't having as much fun as I thought I would," she said of her freshmen year.
At a school with a "study hard, party harder" atmosphere, students definitely perceive social pressure to have fun. Indeed, it seems taboo for an individual to admit to not having an enjoyable experience.
Kumalah said she experienced such dissatisfaction during her junior Fall. In an attempt to "fit in," she decided to join many new organizations that term, only to regret the decision later.
"That was my biggest failure at Dartmouth, when I stopped being myself and tried to become something else," she said. "In that moment, if I hadn't realized how good it is to do the things that make you happy, I wouldn't have realized the importance of constantly checking with yourself and making sure that what you're doing is something that you're interested in."
Kumalah clarified that not fitting in does not indicate failure, especially if "you carve out your own personal niche."
Though we are students who have pushed ourselves to perfection, and the concept of failure may be foreign to many of us, we must be reminded that failure is fully subjective. Mistakes can be beneficial, flawlessness is unrealistic and admittance of defeat is admirable.
