Given my involvements in organizations like the Inter-Community Council and the Office of Pluralism and Leadership, I would have thought that my first appearance on The Dartmouth's opinion page would consist of some call to legislate social behavior, possibly regarding sexual assault or the Indian mascot. Instead I have chosen to write about the one (superficial) thing that has become most pertinent to my life over the course of the past few weeks: my looming departure from Dartmouth College.
I'm sure I just made all of my fellow '11s cringe with pain, and the other classes must be wondering why I'd ever mention graduation so prematurely. Well, for all intents and purposes, I graduated last term. I currently work 30 mundane hours a week on campus and can already feel my intellectual prowess drying up, replaced by cobwebs and thoughts about the future. I've spent too much of my free time thinking back on my Dartmouth career. However, I have encountered a problem: I can't come up with those prototypical memories of fun in the sun, football games, formals, DOC Trips, etc. that I had always imagined Dartmouth would provide me with.
I've begun to question the validity of my own Dartmouth experience. It was certainly a unique one I denied Dartmouth every step of the way, labeling most activities as either "not for me" or "not to my liking." My negativity was an ominous cloud, always threatening to suck in anyone within a 10-foot radius. Part of this mentality was initially formed during my nearly impossible transition from the streets of New York to rural New Hampshire. The rest developed as I began to experience Dartmouth as the rigorous and often difficult-to-navigate institution it is, not the summer camp I had wished it to be an experience we can all relate to.
I once wanted to write my senior thesis critiquing the Dartmouth community for its inability to support all students, yet today I have a different message to send. I too had wanted to see a place exactly like what Cameron Nutt imagined in his recent piece ("Dartmouth 2031," April 20), and I've consistently fought to bring some of those changes to fruition. Sadly, these visions still have not been realized, but this truth does not make me feel resentful or defeated as it used to.
There is no systematic way in which this drastic change of mindset occurred, and I cannot trace it back to a single moment of epiphany. Rather, I have come to develop an appreciation for process and for the concept of existing as a work in progress. I finally understand who and what I love here and no longer feel the need to love everything else.
There comes a time when the "coulda"s (coulda had a better GPA, coulda gone on an FSP) and the "shoulda"s (shoulda been in frat X, shoulda never stepped foot in frat Y) need to end. You must find pride in your very real accomplishments on campus. Both the College and my peers here have come a long way during my four years, and although we should neither grow complacent nor halt the process of pushing the envelope, we could all benefit from taking a step back and acknowledge our triumphs and progress.
The torch I've chosen to take up at Dartmouth never has to extinguish, but it is time to pass it on. I am quickly becoming obsolete and as my grasp on Dartmouth slips from my hands to others, I grow more and more nostalgic. With this in mind, I feel almost obliged to offer my peers excerpts from the "wisdom" I have acquired.
For those of you who have stopped trying to conform to what Dartmouth should be and have carved out a different Dartmouth for yourself, you should be proud. And for those of you with seemingly unattainable aspirations for Dartmouth and beyond like Nutt and I hold, keep challenging one another and the administration in and out of the classroom. If you, like me, don't see the changes you'd hoped for, just remember you stand on the shoulders of giants it just happens to be that these giants move quite slowly.
I urge you all to find a way to come to terms with and find pride in your Dartmouth experience, no matter how unconventional or painful or different from mine it may seem.
Dartmouth, though I've pretty much hated you, time truly does heal most things, and today I stand with new perspective and wish to proclaim: I am going to miss you. I love you despite your imperfections, and I am excited to see what future students have in store for you.
