Hi there y'all. It's cold out. My nostrils froze on my way to Collis the other day. And after four years of this, I'm still not used to Hanover winters. Why? I'm from the South, that's why. More specifically, Louisiana (there's approximately 5.2 of us attending Dartmouth). Why so little geographical diversity you might ask? What can I say Southerners prefer SEC football and warm weather, which is not that radical of a notion, if you ask me.
Anyways, freshman Winter at Dartmouth was the first time I saw snow. I mean it "snowed" in Louisiana, but let's put it this way my snowmen's snow-to-mud ratio favored mud. Not to mention, the snowfalls in Louisiana barely lasted a day (though the old ladies in the supermarket would have you convinced we were on the verge of nuclear Armageddon with the way they racked up canned goods). So needless to say, Dartmouth was a bit of an adjustment. I didn't ski, I didn't ice skate and I sure as hell didn't own a North Face.
And looking back I still don't do the first two things particularly well (more on that later), but I sure do own my fair share of North Face jackets and winter gear. But enough about my rockin' wardrobe, time for the nitty gritty How to Survive Hanover as a Southerner:
-
Know what real snow is.Okay, so this might seem kind of obvious. Snow is that form of precipitation that falls frozen, right? What more is there to know? The correct answer would be LOTS.Like, for instance, snowflakes are small. They are not as large as those paper cut-outs we made in grade school. I know, I too was shocked and disappointed when I witnessed this first-hand."Wait, this is a snow flake? Seriously? Where are the really big ones? Do those come later, like maybe in February?""You have got to be kidding me, Sarah."I only wish I had been. Southerners should also be aware of the other commonly dispelled snow myths, like snow days Dartmouth doesn't believe in them (seriously). Whitewashing does not refer to painting a fence (in fact, it refers to rubbing a person's face in snow) and snow does not disappear magically like Frosty the Snowman, singing "I'll be back again some day" so FALSE it's not even funny. Just wait until mid-April when gigantic puddles start to appear everywhere on campus and it becomes easier for you to swim to your destination than walk.
-
Do not approach winter sports with a Winter Carnival mindset. You will not survive.Freshman Winter I took it upon myself to dapple in all that winter sports had to offer. Ninety-nine cent ski day? I was all over that. And all over the bunny slope. I managed to not only earn the hatred of every crusty New Hampshire/Vermont mother teaching her precocious five-year-old how to ski, but I also managed to somehow hit a car in the parking lot. Suffice it to say I have not been skiing since. And when ice skating proved to be equally disastrous (I repeatedly fell down in the middle of a rather violent hockey game), I threw the towel in.
-
Do not frequently complain about the weather, attributing your inability to handle the cold to the fact that you are a Southerner. It is a disservice to all your Southern brethren. You single-handedly destroy our street cred and our ability to fit in.Yes, it's cold. Yes, everyone knows it's cold. No matter how much you talk about it, it will still be cold. SO DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT. The next time you feel the urge to bemoan your life, get a journal this is what journals are for. In journals you can record your most emo of emo thoughts. Take for instance my journal entry on 01/15/09:Dear Diary,Today I felt frostbite for the first time. It was like that time in seventh grade when Johnny snubbed me and said he only danced the Cotton Eye Joe with pretty girls. I felt then like I felt today. Frozen and numb with pain.
-
Do not sacrifice your style just because it's cold. It's what makes you Southern after all. You look good in pastels.Just because Hanover winters aren't exactly conducive to flip-flops doesn't mean your style has to suffer. Cowboy boots can double as snow boots. North Face does make other colors besides black. And there are such things as matching gloves, scarves and hat sets. Not to mention, flannel makes good flair.
-
Do, however, start planning Spring Break now. You're gonna need it.
