Dartmouth successfully developed something that the XFL, Canadian Football League and lingerie football league failed at miserably an extremely entertaining football league that doesn't require gimmicks or expensive promos, namely, sorority flag football. The annual AD wiffle ball tournament was supposed to dominate the sports scene this weekend, but the women stole the show. Outfitted with bandanas, war paint and matching uniforms, members from seven sororities battled for the coveted title. The event was supposed to be non-contact, but I saw some hits that would make Terry Tate proud. To recap the event, I decided to honor select players with awards for their efforts.
The Intimidation award: Delta Delta Delta
Although these ladies were eliminated in the first round, they successfully intimidated the competition with a roster that included three players that are approximately six feet tall. The Tri-Delts were looking to out-jump their opponents, but unfortunately the strategy didn't work and their day ended early.
The "Chuck Norris" award for Overall Excellence: Alyssa Parker '10, Kappa Delta Epsilon
All I can say is wow. On Saturday, Parker was the female equivalent of Tim Tebow. Her impressive QB skills helped lead KDE to victory. Her defining moment came on a long touchdown pass to Jenna Cunningham '10. The ball was a perfect spiral and literally dropped into Cunningham's hands. Props to Cunningham for dragging two would-be tacklers into the end zone to turn a good play into a great one.
The "Jason Statham" award for overall tenacity: Renee Domozych '12, Alpha Phi
Domozych's heart and hustle helped Alpha Phi win three out of the four games the team played. Despite a slight size disadvantage, Domozych dominated her side of the field. As an outside linebacker, she performed most of the day's bone-crunching hits. Domozych's most impressive tackle came when she ran across the field to knock KDE's Ali Hubbard '10 out of bounds and save a touchdown. Now that's good football.
The "I'm the Juggernaut B****" award for downhill running: Yueyue Guo '12, Kappa Delta
Guo is a Dartmouth track star and her impressive quicks transferred to the football field. If she found a seam in the defense, she was gone. It was like watching Wile E. Coyote chasing Road runner the defenders never stood a chance. Along with speed, Guo brought a Brandon Jacobs-like toughness to the field. If anyone stood in her way, she lowered her shoulder and ran through them like the Kool-Aid Man runs through walls.
The "Stonewall Jackson" award for Pass Defense: Paula Sen '10, Kappa Kappa Gamma
Before halftime of the championship game, Sen made arguably the best defensive play of the tournament. KDE's Kelsey Johnson '11 jumped up and appeared to snag a great pass, but Sen said "not in my house" and leveled Johnson mid-jump. The hit sent both women tumbling to the ground, knocking the ball out of Johnson's hands and forcing the incompletion. The play sent Kappa fans into a frenzy.
The "Chalky Studebaker from Nickelodeon's Doug" award for best Playmaker: Myra Sack '10, Kappa Delta Epsilon
Sack absolutely balled out on Saturday at the expense of every defender. She made countless "Oh Snap" plays and scored more touchdowns than I could count, making every possession look good. With quick spins and cuts, Sack had agility that would make Boobie Miles jealous.
The "Chad Ochocinco" award for best endzone swag: Kirsten Orloff '10, Kappa Delta Epsilon
After a sweet touchdown catch against Alpha Phi, Orloff spiked the ball and celebrated with her teammates as they rushed the field. Unlike the NCAA, which bans excessive celebrations (worst rule ever), the refs let the players have their fun and Orloff took advantage. Mr. Ochocinco would have been proud the girl's got swag.
The wounded soldier award: Kendall Houston '12, Kappa Delta Epsilon
Houston sacrificed her body for the team. While diving to make an impressive tackle, Houston landed on and subsequently bruised her sternum. Although she was injured, Houston continued to play until medics needed to take a look. That's the type of dedication and toughness that motivates teams to win championships.
The "Optimus Prime" award for coaching and leadership: Chris Burns '10 and Evan Nogay '10, Kappa Delta Epsilon
Burns and Nogay guided KDE to this year's title. Armed with a whiteboard and some ingenuity, the former Dartmouth football players drafted a perfect game plan. KDE's offensive arsenal included zone options, play-action passes and trick plays. And while the coaches' offensive schemes were good, their defensive coaching was even better. Mixing in a combination of blitzes (no, not e-mails) and zone coverages, KDE's defense fiercely overpowered every competitor they faced. Burns' and Nogay's Xs and Os rivaled the coaching of greats like Bill Belichick, Tony Dungy and Vince Lombardi I see a future on the sidelines for them if they stay committed.
