"Is the basement a hostile place for non-members?"
This is one of the questions we ask during a Mentors Against Violence facilitation, a program I co-direct. I have done many of these sessions in my time at Dartmouth, and this year, for the first time, we are meeting with every new member of every fraternity, sorority and coed house. Participants are asked to stand on one side of the room if they agree with a statement, the opposite side if they disagree and in the middle if they are unsure. With the above question, I usually see half of the students disagree and the other half remain unsure. I understand why: Many students take issue with the word "hostile."
Occasionally one student tentatively steps to the agree side. If not, I step over and argue my case.
For one second, imagine being raped by a fraternity brother, and then entering his basement only a week later (because all your friends want to go there), and seeing that brother, casually playing pong or chatting in the basement, oblivious to your pain, confusion and embarrassment. Or imagine being gay and overhearing two people talking in the basement, loudly. One says: "That movie is so gay," or "no-homo" before hugging his male friend. These are the experiences of many of your peers at Dartmouth. Sometimes the basement is hostile. I'm not saying that if you're a woman you feel hostility in the basement. I'm not saying that if you're gay you feel hostility in the basement. But some women do. And some gay people do. Doesn't that matter? It should. Everybody should care that much of our student body may not feel comfortable entering the majority of social spaces on campus.
Who am I to write this article? I've been hostile. I'm an affiliated student in the Class of 2010. I have given freshman women "hostile" stares when they take over our basement, taking away what I feel is my only "safe space" on campus these days. I'm not proud of this. I've also been "that girl." I've been led back to a room, too scared to say anything, held down on a bed, twice, until I could escape, grabbing my shoes as I ran out the door. I've seen that boy smirk in the basement. And while my personal experiences alone shouldn't convince you of anything, those of your peers should. I wish I could share with you the many, many stories that I've heard at Dartmouth from victims and perpetrators, dying to admit what was done to them, what they may have done to someone else.
As a Sexual Abuse Peer Adviser, I hear these stories every single term. Female students have been carried out of basements, in plain sight of other members of the house, passed out or vomiting, so that male students could force them to have non-consensual sex. Women have woken up on the Dartmouth campus, bruised, not wearing underwear and unable to remember what happened to them after one drink.
The funny thing is, I feel less and less comfortable every term. The more horror stories I hear, the harder it is to enter a basement. Do I have to say it? I don't think all fraternity brothers are bad. I don't think the Greek system is the only problem. I'm not calling for a massive overhaul of the system. In the end, we all deserve a fair shot at getting through these four tumultuous years. For many of us, they will be the best four of our lives. But for some students, everything may blur together, leaving one night and the terrible, long-lasting trauma of that one night all too in focus. It's about time we started treating each other with the compassion and support that every one of us deserves.
Here's the easiest way you can help: If you see a situation that just doesn't look right, say something. Do something. Go up to that male or female student and say "Hey, your friend is looking for you!" or "Will one of you be my fourth?" Here's a secret: If those two want to hook up, they will. However, if one of them does not want to hook up with the other, he or she will look for any opportunity you offer give him or her an out and he or she will take it. That's not too hard to do, right?
Ask questions. Raise a concern. Challenge your peers. It will, in fact, make a difference.
