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The Dartmouth
May 15, 2024 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

Different Strokes for Different Folks

When talking about sex and music, the most obvious point of discussion is what songs to listen to when you "get your freak on," as Missy Elliot would say. In most normal situations, I personally believe no song can top Hanson's "MMMBop."

However, there are certain occasions when this bubbly, pre-pubescent pop anthem doesn't really capture the mood. Therefore, I have compiled a list of 15 songs, each perfect to play if you find yourself caught in a sticky situation.

Best songs to play when you:

... Hook up with a 13"Sweet Child O' Mine," by Guns N' Roses

... Hook up with a Hanover High student"Breaking the Law," by Judas Priest

... Are too drunk to care"Blame it (on the a--a-a-a--a-alcohol)," by Jamie Foxx

... Try to hook up with an AD but end up with a '13 instead"You Can't Always Get What You Want," by The Rolling Stones

... Try to hook up with a Kappa"Dream On," by Aerosmith

... Have a threesome"Come Together," by The Beatles

... Hook up in the River dorms"500 Miles," by The Proclaimers

... Hook up in Kappa"1,000 Miles," by Vanessa Carlton... Are a lonely male"Beat it," by Michael Jackson

... Are a lonely female "Good Vibrations," by The Beach Boys

... Are a female hooking up with an inexperienced male partner"Time to Pretend," by MGMT

... Wind up in Dick's House the morning after"Sexual Healing," by Marvin Gaye

... Hook up with a rower"I'm on a Boat," by The Lonely Island

... Hook up with a senior girl"Everything Old is New Again," by Peter Allen


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