When it comes to death, humans have a tendency to act irrationally. Egyptian kings erected extravagant pyramids to usher their dead into the afterlife. The 16th-century queen of Spain, Juana la Loca, bereaved by her husband's passing, refused to leave him for weeks after his death. As legend has it, Juana traveled everywhere with her deceased love's casket, opening it nightly to offer a kiss. In China today, grieving family members burn paper money to ward off evil spirits and provide their dead loved ones with a rich afterlife.
While perhaps strange, a common goal links these rituals -- to pay respect to the dead. Recently, however, a new and somewhat disturbing burial fad has been gaining popularity in the Facebook generation (I hate that our generation is named after a web site). Yup, you guessed it; I'm talking about the Death Wall.
For those of you without Facebook, who still think poking is something you do to wake someone up, let me explain. When a friend, friend of a friend or friend of a friend's friend passes on, the common reaction is no longer to turn to religion, grief counselors or family members for reassurance. No, instead we log onto our Facebooks to scroll through the deceased's 1,500 pictures, take note of shared interests and post grief-addled messages on the Wall.
Mourning is, without a doubt, a very unique and personal process. Coming to terms with death may be the single biggest challenge of life, and perhaps any form of mourning is healthy. Maybe the Death Wall should be embraced as a salutary ritual -- a form of grief networking or Internet solidarity -- that our generation uses to cope with the loss of loved ones. Expressing our grief can be the first step in recovering from a loss as devastating as death.
However, the way that this practice is often carried out is insulting, if not intolerable. Is it really appropriate to write three words on the deceased's wall and declare it proper mourning? Is posting a shared inside joke paying proper respect to life's nuanced, intimate relationships? Are we really so steeped in the Internet lexicon that we need five exclamation points to show how upset we are (!!!!!)?
Facebook has, in many ways, succeeded in connecting people. When it comes to funerals, however, the website falls incredibly short. It seems to me that those who post on the Death Wall often crave attention. In every comment there appears an implicit "I'm sadder than the previous post" or "I knew her better than you did." Many of these Death Wall posters act as if the deceased's passing is just another opportunity to flaunt emotions and get in some additional "facetime."
Nearly everyone, at one point or another, will have to deal with the death of a friend or loved one. There are infinite respectful ways to mourn. If religion is your thing, find solace in faith. If not, simple contemplation and celebration can bring strength and peace during traumatic times. But using death as an excuse to beg for attention on Facebook should not be tolerated. Those who parade their grief on the Death Wall are acting disrespectfully to both the dead and to those who are mourning in more conservative, respectful ways.
In terms of death, Facebook should be treated like preparation for a final investment banking interview. The wall should be disabled, and all incriminating information and pictures should be taken down. When I die, if I still have a Facebook, I hope someone has the respect to do just that. And, at my funeral, I hope my eulogy doesn't contain any emoticons or the word "luv."
