No matter how horrible at pong your parents proved themselves to be this weekend, it was a little sad when they left on Sunday. Then again, we were all relieved that they did. Relieved, because there were so many extra things to think about like -- is it weird to meet her parents if you've only hooked up twice? -- and sad, because we really do appreciate the fact that our parents want to see us.
How much influence do our parents have in our lives? It depends on the individual, of course, but it is true that for the vast majority of us, our parents' influence is changing as we hit the midpoint of our college careers this summer. This (perhaps clich) truth is ambivalent, and it forces us to question our dependence on the guidance of others.
The recently published "Vision of the Dartmouth Outing Club" embodies this sophomore-becoming-junior dichotomy; it wrestles with wanting a friendly, wise, guiding force in an Outdoor Programs Office leader versus full student control over DOC functions.
DOC President Andrew Palmer and the DOC are quite clear in their intent to maintain autonomous student leadership of the organization and insert student input in the impending search process for a new OPO director. The group is inevitably hazier on the issue of its relationship with Dartmouth administrators. They understand that their organization will be strongest with the financial and administrative support of the College. They value their past relationships with OPO leaders like Andy Harvard who have understood the DOC's mission and values. Like all student organizations, however, they fear that the college administration will trample on their free reign.
The OPO will be an ally to the DOC, these students contend, only until it oversteps its designation as "liaison between and advocate for students and administrators." Advocates listen to their constituents and give them full responsibility to manage themselves; a liaison is charged with representing an organization to a potentially hostile outside world.
The OPO leader I am describing sounds like the perfect parent: the parent who must facilitate their college-aged child's big decisions and his or her constructive efforts to pursue those decisions, by giving advice but not direction. We all love our parents; in theory we want their guidance, but in practice, sometimes we don't appreciate their input. We have agreements with them about our budgets, but we no longer let them make sure we finish all our homework before watching TV (imagine, you would never watch Grey's again).
Ultimately though, we can never fully reject our parents' roles in our lives, and neither can the DOC (assuming it wants to maintain its healthy, productive relationship with the College and community) fully reject the leadership of the OPO created to support it. Because they will be stuck with the new leader, it is very important for the DOC to help select a new administrator for their parent organization.
As of yet, the administration has said nothing in response to the DOC's attempt to force its hand. When they do respond to the DOC's subtle ultimatum, they will either acknowledge complete student autonomy or run the risk of damaging the trust that student organizations invest in them. We go through this same process of declaring our independence from our parents as we dare them to challenge our developing autonomy.
As adults, we hope that our parents will respond to us as respectfully as they would their peers. As kids -- which we undeniably still are in some ways -- we welcome the parental approval and protection that a warm response would bring. As college students, however, we are somewhere in the middle, and perhaps we want our parents to disagree with us. We relish chances to fight for what we believe in, and students would not hesitate to rally behind the DOC should the administration appear to challenge the student autonomy fundamental to the hundred-year-old organization.
We felt this ambivalence sharply this weekend. If your parents came to campus, you were reminded that you are at ease here, while they are not. If you're like me and your parents didn't come, maybe you were struck by the fact that you and your parents have distinctly separate lives now. Of course, we hope that we can work maturely with our parents, like the DOC and the OPO have. It would be nice to lie back and let our parents take care of any looming thunderclouds for us; however, we are no longer able to let that happen. Our sophomore summer has been serene thus far, but perhaps only on the surface.
