This past weekend, I ran away from my thesis. I ran all the way to Canada -- Montreal, to be exact. I was free. Free from the thought of chapters or paragraphs. Free from red ink. Free from footnotes. As free as Morgan Freeman at the end of Shawshank, minus the boat.
Then my editor Blitzed to inform me of this week's Mirror theme. Arghh, ye thesis! May I never escape you?
Now, there are good reasons one chooses to write such a tome. In certain instances the thesis is for those who have been burning to solve the academic mystery that has plagued their sleep since freshman year. For the rest of us, the thesis journey's appeal may lie in the yearlong mentorship from one professor, the street cred for graduate school or -- like 90 percent of law school applicants -- because it seemed like everyone else was doing it.
I am not convinced, however, that Dartmouth students think through the implications such a decision has on their everyday lives. I present you, therefore, with a day in the Spring term life of two seniors -- Thesis Thea and No Classes Nancy -- one with a thesis, one without. To add a control variable, we'll say neither is taking classes. As the curtain rises on the opening of our scene, Thea and Nancy awake:
Student A: Thesis Thea
9:30 a.m.: You wake up. You had ambitiously set your alarm for 8:30 to edit that thesis chapter before the gym -- oops. And your room is still a mess. You really need to organize all the books scattered about.
9:35 a.m.: You check Blitz. Library notification -- another book is overdue. Think. Is that book in your thesis locker? Under your bed? Better read over it at the gym once more to see if you still need it.
9:50 a.m.: Cycle. Don't sweat on the library book -- that's gross.
11:00 a.m.: Shower. Better hurry. You are going to be late for your thesis meeting.
11:45 a.m.: Meet with advisor. Hope that chapter didn't need editing! Luckily, the conversation drifts into more enjoyable territory. Did you see the John Adams episode last night? Nope! You were still on page 15 then, but don't tell your advisor that!
1:00 p.m.: Lunch date with fellow thesis writer. He's researching the topic he's dreamed about since first grade: "I don't want to sound smug, but I just feel like I was destined to write this." Hmm. That must be nice.
2:00 p.m.: The Gap. You really need something to wear for your upcoming thesis presentation. You gaze wistfully at the sundresses you wanted a chance to wear, then buy a basic "business casual" skirt. Sigh.
3:00 p.m.: How is it already 3? Better start practicing that presentation.
6:00 p.m.: Dinner with Nancy. You wonder what it would be like to not have the thesis. No time to dwell though. You have another chapter to write.
Student B: No Classes Nancy
9:30 a.m.: You wake up. Your alarm isn't going to go off for another hour; should you sleep in? Meh, you are already up. And you really need to organize the various SEC, Paleop and work papers scattered about.
9:35 a.m.: Think. Is that new Vogue in your gym locker? Under your bed? Oh well, you'll read your New Yorker at the gym today.
9:50 a.m.: Elliptical. Is the girl in front sweating on a library book? Gross.
11:00 a.m.: Shower. Better hurry. You are going to be late for your lunch date.
11:45 a.m.: Lunch with boss. Hope she doesn't expect that new project finished! Luckily the conversation drifts into safer territory. Did you read The D yesterday? Nope! You were too busy catching up on your favorite musical blogs -- you can't wait for that trip to NYC this term!
1:00 p.m.: Coffee date with recent hook-up. He's perfected the pong save he's dreamed about since freshman year. "Don't want to sound smug, but I feel like we were destined to play pong." Hmm. This could be fun.
2:00 p.m.: i-Party. You really need something to wear to the "Whores and Androids" semi. You gaze wistfully at the pilgrim costume you wanted, then buy an R2D2 suit and fishnets. Sigh.
3:00 p.m.: How is it already 3? Better rest up and take a nap on the Green.
6:00 p.m.: Dinner with Thea. You wonder what it would be like to have written a thesis. No time to dwell though. You have another party to pregame
Jean Ellen is a staff writer for The Mirror. Did you know she was writing a thesis?
