Notice the ties and heels running through campus at around 4 p.m. lately? How about the school buses departing around 5:30 p.m. with clientele decidedly older than the usual seven to 11 year-old range? Formal season is upon us, and Bates is bringing in big bucks thanks to the fine fraternities and sororities of Dartmouth College.
Beyond the requisite trip to Bella or Juliana, or the male equivalent of the hunt to find a salvageable suit that doesn't require too much ironing, formal means one thing: dates.
If you're out of the relationship zone and on the hunt for a partner in dancing, dining and all things formal, why not go the blind route? It doesn't have to be so bold as the Food Court Challenge -- let's be honest, pickings are pretty slim at 4 p.m., especially given the fact that Food Court is closed until 5 -- but make it a blind date nonetheless.
The ultimate best-case scenario is quite clearly the "semi-blind date." You've been ogling the guy with the bulging biceps in your bio class since the day temperatures first soared past 70 and the tank top came out. Thanks to the power of the "mutual friend" feature on Facebook, you know which pals you have in common. So, you ask one of said pals to "set you up" with him on a blind date. Worst-case scenario, you don't hit it off, it's painfully awkward and you let him blame your mutual friend for being a terrible matchmaker. Best case scenario, he's your next great love -- or makeout. Frankly, either works.
If we're talking legitimate, 100% no-secret-crushing involved blind dates, however, the prospects can be equally exciting. The beauty of the formal as a venue as opposed to the rest of the Dartmouth social scene is that it actually has some real date-like elements, meaning your primary interactions won't consist of celebratory punches following hit cups and sharing Keystone when your opponents sink. And, if first impressions aren't your forte, instead of the average five-minute basement interaction, you have an entire six hours to seal the deal, including two bus-ridden hours of seat sharing. It's practically the epitome of romance.
Finally, the fact of the matter is that most girls look better in heels and leg-baring dresses -- and guys in ties and button downs -- than either look in the jeans, flip-flops and T-shirts that dominate campus couture the rest of the term. Formals provide both sexes with the perfect opportunity for this transformation, no matter how short-lived.
To address the obvious potential downfall of bringing a blind date, namely, you just don't hit it off and your date turns out to be the fun-killing, dance-hating, antithesis of a good time, formals have some fantastic built-in survival mechanisms to ensure that a bad date won't put a damper on your entire night:
You will have friends. Assuming this is your formal, you'll more or less know at least half the other guests. They can't possibly be playing tonsil hockey with their partners the entire time, so take advantage of their downtime to engage in the art of the group conversation.
Food will be served. Make yours a seven-course meal, remember to take small bites, and dinner alone will kill at least an hour of time.
There's exploring to do. Suggesting taking a tour of a frat is hardly subtle. But touring Bates on the other hand, or wherever else your formal happens to take you, is like a JV, less expensive trip to Versailles.
The bathrooms are clean. The restrooms at formal venues -- or anywhere, really -- are infinitely more hygienic than the second floor pissing room of [insert favorite fraternity here] and thus provide the perfect escape from the never-ending date-from-hell. On the female side of things at least, all formals yield a group of "bathroom dwellers" at any given time, who are taking a break to debrief with friends, avoiding dates or simply getting away from all the action for a few moments. Granted, if you take enough bathroom breaks your date might get concerned about potential bladder control issues, but if it helps you make it through the night then it's well worth the misconception.
The bus ride can be a party. Most houses have some sort of chant-like song on buses that involves everyone periodically standing up to chug from their respective bottle of cheap champagne. Group sing-alongs are also not infrequent, so if time needs to be killed on the bus, instigate the group activities and take the focus away from the one you're sharing a seat with.
These escape mechanisms demonstrate that even the worst-case scenario is a salvageable one. The fact of the matter remains, however, that with Andre, Jack and Jim on your side there is a very good chance that you and your blind date will hit it off. You might fall in lust, you might fall in love, you might just have a lot to laugh about with your friends the next morning. Whatever the case, it's a guaranteed memorable time.
Joanna is a staff writer for The Mirror.
