Fraternity bathrooms are like snowflakes. No two are the same. Though, I'll be honest, the comparison pretty much stops there. No matter which house you frequent, each bathroom has its own style, character and inherent grossness. Some are dirtier than others, some have better setups, but in the end, what they all have in common is that even brothers are hesitant to use them. Here for your enjoyment, in no particular order, is a sampling of the worst bathrooms you will find on campus.
Alpha Delta
It's a common myth on campus that the entire basement of AD is technically considered an open sewer by the town of Hanover, but it's actually pretty close. In fact, all the walls of the basement serve as the toilet in this house. The black paint on the walls hides stains, which inevitably appear on wet cement. The smell that emanates from the so-called "Gorf" wafts throughout the house but it is not bad enough to deter the nighttime crowd. The first question one must ask: Why allow this behavior in a basement? "The Gorf came into existence in the mid-'80s, when the brothers came to the conclusion that the house wasn't "fratty" enough," said Alex Clementi '09, who will be the house manager for AD this summer. "The logical solution to them was the institution of the Gorf as we know it today." These days, the Gorf becomes so gross that brothers are paid to clean it. Supposedly, the brothers clean it in their underwear so as to keep the stench out of their clothes. In the fall, maggots were found underneath the grates and those who cleaned them vomited just from the smell. And to think that Senator Blutarsky came from such humble beginnings.
Psi Upsilon
"The worst part about our basement bathroom is its frequent flooding," Christian Kiely '09 said. Oh is that it? Even if you want to avoid the inevitable puddles, don't turn on the light or you will be met with a chorus of "No lights!" from the brothers. Last winter, cinderblocks were placed on the floor of this "bathroom" (I don't know if you can really call it a bathROOM if it doesn't have a door) as stepping-stones because the sludge and grime on the floor had made it unusable if you had any regard for your shoes. "The stones were like islands in an sea of putridness," Kiely said. "It was great if you wanted to wear sandals." Sadly, the stones needed to be removed because they made the room impossible to clean.
Chi Gamma Epsilon
Chi Gam: although their basement exudes cleanliness compared with other fraternity basements, they still manage to have one of the dirtiest bathrooms. In the basement bathroom, one will find two urinals and a toilet, which unfortunately for the ladies is routinely clogged. The sink is also sometimes used as a third urinal, because in general it seems that people just don't like to wait. The scene upstairs is not particularly different, and often during their infamous dance parties (when they're not on probation), the showers on the second floor become urinals for intoxicated (and clearly desperate) guests. "My one apprehension about living in the house is the bathroom situation," said Ryan Moody '09, who is a brother. "I may be going to the Choates every day to shower and sh*t." Apparently, there is one toilet stall, at the far left of the second floor bathroom, which is supposed to be kept clean at all times so that there is at least one refuge from the frat grime where one can take care of his business in peace. I can see how the Choates would be tempting, though.
Phi Delta Alpha
In Phi Delt, no music less than 20 years old can be played, which gives the house a distinctly old-school feel. The basement bathroom is along the same lines, with a trough that looks like it has been there since the organization was founded in 1884. Even though this trough seems like it would be a big enough target, puddles of liquid are often found on the floor as well. The trough is often left un-flushed as well, leading to a stale odor. The trough does have its advantages, as the camaraderie it promotes is unequaled in any other basement on campus. When I visited, the bathrooms upstairs were also particularly dirty, meaning that it's not exactly the ideal location for ladies' night. As Kristen Rounds '09 put it, "Phi Delt is the last place I'd want use the bathroom."
Chi Heorot
The old basement bathroom at Heorot was a place of legend and rarely do you find a room viler. The toilet was always clogged and the floor was often covered in astounding amounts of human waste. Unlike AD, where the smell of the Gorf spreads through the basement, the odor of this bathroom was contained in the small space, and thus whenever one went to open the door, anyone nearby was hit in the face by a wall of warm and sickening bathroom odor, right next to the bar. Over the summer, Heorot decided to renovate their basement and this bathroom was one of the victims of the new floor plan. "We had to brick the old bathroom in, it was so gross," Oliver Townsend '09 said. "It was just unhealthy to use it." Now, during late-night dance parties, bathroom traffic has moved upstairs to the first floor, which certainly doesn't get as dirty as the basement toilet.
