Fall at Dartmouth is a time of transition. Freshmen have completed their inaugural laps 'round the bonfire, but they remain uncertain of their place in both frats' and stacks' basements. Having completed the thrill ride of rush, sophomores begin the (mandatory?) fun of pledge term. Seniors, scouring the archives of Career Services, search for life outside the Dartmouth bubble. Juniors just look around and wonder where Sophomore Summer went, and why they didn't go to Spain with all of their friends. A time of loss, I remember my commencement speaker saying, but also a time of opportunity.
Also a time of heavy drinking. Freshmen unsure of their tolerance level. Sophomores having (mandatory?) fun.
Juniors drinking themselves back to the summer, and seniors drinking themselves back to freshman year. Fall at Dartmouth is a time for change, but it is also a prime time for a hangover. To cure your growing pains, I offer a campus-wide morning-after hangover regimen (courtesy of some well-seasoned ragers who shall remain unnamed).
Collis: Green Tea. Soothes the stomach, and you can splurge on one of those expensive Tazo teas with encouraging names like "Om" and "Zen."
Topside: Advil, Motrin, Aleve, Excedrin ... four of your painkiller of choice and a tall, tall glass of water.
Hop: Breakfast wrap. Eggs contain large amounts of cysteine, which breaks down the hangover-causing toxin in the liver. And I always assumed this was just another "greasy food" hangover cure.
Food Court: New England Clam Chowder. Apparently this works?
The Blend: Banana Smoothie. Replenishes electrolytes and potassium lost due to alcohol's diuretic effect (i.e. the multiple trips to frat bathrooms/ basement corners last night).
Canoe Club: Bloody Mary. The classic hangover cure, you can be sure Canoe Club will do it right with a celery stick and a smile.
Or follow Hemingway's more simple remedy of tomato juice and beer.
