I thought I might start my first column of the new school year with a little introduction. At least one-fourth of my potential readership has never even heard of me, while for the rest of you, it's possible, nay probable, that you've forgotten the heights of sports columnist excellence that I carried to this paper to last year. So here I am: I'm Max Schwartz. I write a weekly column called Original Sports Clichs. Feel free to e-mail me with congratulations, questions or other comments.
One quick note of caution: The "Hey, how about you just print Bill Simmons' columns instead of having Max copy and paste them under his own byline" comment has already been made, and you're not funny. These e-mails aren't going to get you a weekly humor column in The Mirror, but they might cause me to have an emotional breakdown.
Really though, I think that's enough exposition. I think I'll start the year with a subject that is near and dear to my heart: Minnesota. If you know me, or have even spent more than ten consecutive minutes with me, you've probably heard me talk about Minnesota. I love Minnesota, and it's easy to see why: Minnesotans are attractive and friendly, our state is well-governed and effective, we have good hospitals, good schools, good ethnic food and good sports teams. It's that last thing that I'd like to focus on here.
Specifically, I'd like to talk about the Twins -- just the gosh darn scrappiest team in Major League Baseball. Seriously, I have a friend who last year, after drafting the worst fantasy football team ever and losing a bunch of games to start the season, renamed his team "Daniel Ruettiger" (the inspiration for the movie "Rudy"), picked up a bunch of B-List fantasy castoffs, and strung together an improbable run to the league championship, all while reminding everyone within earshot just how "scrappy" his team was. Well, the Twins are exactly like that, except that I like it instead of finding it incredibly annoying.
This is a team that was eight games under .500 on June 7 and twelve games back of the Detroit Tigers on July 13. As of yesterday morning, the Twins were 89-61, 18 games over .500 and only a half-game back of the Tigers.
This is a team that found and lost the best starting pitcher in baseball, Francisco Liriano, over the space of two months.
This is a team whose best two pitchers for all of July and August were the prohibitive Cy Young winner and a guy, Brad Radke, who only used his right arm to throw baseballs, because it was too painful to use it for anything else, including brushing his teeth.
Then Radke went down.
Now our two best pitchers are Johan Santana (the Cy Young guy) and a guy who legally changed his name from John to "Boof". Yes, I'm talking about Boof Bonser, a guy who spent most of this season shuttling back and forth between the pro circuit and AAA, but now is 2-0 with a 2.37 ERA in September and is providing the Twins with a Hall of Fame-caliber sports name in the process.
If that's not scrappy enough for you, the arm guy (Radke) who has been pitching with a torn labrum and a fractured shoulder for two years is throwing simulated games and hoping to a make a three-week recovery in order to be available to start should the Twins make the playoffs. Wow.
So maybe you've gotten caught up in SportsCenter's televised love letters to the White Sox and Yankees, but the real "best story in baseball" is on the upper Mississippi.
I've always wanted to give football picks and I'm finally doing it. Let me warn you though: I'm not really that knowledgeable about sports. You probably shouldn't go to your bookie with these. That being said, I am picking against the spread! Home teams in bold.
Jets (+6) over Buffalo, Cincinnati (+2) over Pittsburgh, Indianapolis (-7) over Jacksonville, Tennessee (+11) over Miami, Washington (-3) over Houston, Chicago (-3.5) over Minnesota, Carolina (-3) over Tampa, Detroit (-6.5) over Green Bay, St. Louis (+5) over Arizona, Giants (+4) over Seattle, Philly (-6.5) over San Fran, Patriots (-6.5) over Denver, New Orleans (+3.5) over Atlanta. Finally, my 2006 Oakland Raiders Gambling Lock of the Week: Baltimore (-6.5) over Cleveland.
