It's said that Hanover is "where romance comes to die." This statement eases the worries of neurotic students like only a glass of warm milk or a corporate internship can. My dear Mirror reader, it pains me to inform you that your mind is about to be blown.
Please allow me to present a few new ideas on Dartmouth dating. Don't worry: so as not to shake things up too much, I will be supplementing my article with the liberal use of Dartmouth slang and unnecessary references to Greek culture that you expect from The Mirror.
"Romance in Hanover dies faster than a pong ball on a beer-soaked table"
While this statement may resonate well with Dartmouth students of a particularly embittered variety, statistical evidence suggests otherwise. A study I conducted this past winter revealed that 52 percent of Dartmouth students consider themselves to be in a relationship.
Now, we all know that my Economics 10 survey was painstakingly accurate. However, if you're feeling skeptical, I recently conducted another survey at 8 School Street. This second study rendered a similar outcome: the percentage of "tied-down" residents fluctuates between 44 and 55 percent. I will not waste time baffling you further with my statistical brilliance. Let it suffice to say that, while I may not currently be in a relationship at Dartmouth (don't waste your pity, I'm allergic), they do exist.
"Dating at here is harder than an orgo exam on a Thursday morning"
I confess that when I set out to learn about relationships at Dartmouth, I fell under the spell of this misconception as well. Low cash flow and high levels of intoxication around our campus certainly cannot be catalysts for healthy dating.
Au contraire. As I began learning about relationships at Dartmouth, it became apparent that minimal monetary requirements and ample binge drinking are exactly what Dartmouth students need in order to find true love. Though this was iterated by many, Andrew Geffken '08 put it best. "Dating at Dartmouth is easy," Andrew explained. "There's a lot to do and none of it costs money. You can go on a hike, pretty much anything. Pong counts as a date- that's how my girlfriend and I first hooked up." Andrew's girlfriend, who wishes to remain anonymous, agreed.
"It's true. But I don't remember it," Cena Miller '08 commented.
"Couples at Dartmouth are more obnoxious than a blackberry in a frat basement"
Given societal ideas surrounding relationships in college, it's a bit of a shock that students ever want to commit. So, why does it matter that some sophomores would rather be in relationships with each other than engage in wild sex-capades?
Being surrounded by the boyfriends of my friends has led me to some unexpected benefits. Recently, my friend's other halves installed my wireless internet, cooked pancakes, and did my homework. I have also ceased doing heavy lifting all together.
Thus, I leave you with just this advice: embrace relationships at Dartmouth. Accept them. Any single Dartmouth student who hasn't done so should start taking aim at the many benefits being friends with a couple can offer. I'm guessing we have just begun to discover the extent to which we could use our friends' relationships for personal gain. So, go forth, single men and women of Dartmouth: the best may be yet to come.
