Prospies: Here is why you should come to Dartmouth:
Our campus is beautiful. Isolated from the pollution and over-population of city life, our campus offers the opportunities of a close-to-nature environment, while detracting little from the advantages of city life. You can hike up gorgeous mountains, ski down world-class slopes, tan on the Green, or do a million other things you could never do in a city.
Our environment is safe. At the University of Pennsylvania one year, a girl's wallet was stolen during orientation. (I wonder if she matriculated!) At Yale, your bikes will be stolen. (My bike's wheels, gears and handlebars were taken right off the locked bike, and I was just visiting!) At Dartmouth, however, our Student Assembly will give you a bike for free, and let you do whatever you want with it! At Duke and Harvard ... well, you've read the papers.
Our professors are incredible. At Harvard, "The Most Important Scholar in the World" will mumble to an audience of 1,000 -- yourself included -- then rush off to important meetings. (I've fallen asleep at one of those "world- famous" lectures.) At Dartmouth, we do not even have classrooms that can seat that many people! Professors come here to teach you, not to become important. Unfortunately, some are so incredible that they cannot avoid fame. Our economics professor David Blanchflower was just appointed to the England equivalent of the Federal Reserve Board -- yet, he told his Econ 10 students that he is putting them first; and he has kept his word.
Our girls are hot. And, although they refuse to date me, I am sure that you -- the "new thing on campus" -- will have a much better chance!
Our students are ... well, you. Think of your accomplishments and ambitions. Now take that drive and those brains and multiply them by the resources, professorial attention and opportunities that only Dartmouth can offer. That is what our students have become: all-star athletes, rappers, Rhodes Scholars, Fulbright Scholars, movie stars, professors; in short, everything and anything. We send more students to Columbia Law School than Columbia University itself. I am sure that we have more Dartmouth students at Goldman Sachs than any other college or university. We offer the intensity of a Cornell or M.I.T. education without their world- famous suicide rate and suicide dome, respectively. We have access to Ivy League libraries and opportunities without the Ivy League pomp and circumstance. We also send students to the best universities abroad; while none are quite as intense and incredible as Dartmouth, they offer the chance to learn the languages and cultures of a quite different world.
Our clubs are friendly and our teams and renowned. You can hone your speaking skills by joining one of the nation's strongest debate teams, or hone your writing skills by writing for one of only two undergraduate law journals in the nation. (The other one is at Berkley, which you're more than welcome to attend if sitting in 500-person lecture halls fits your idea of learning.) Our newspaper, the world's oldest college daily, is not too shabby, either.
Our alumni are an influential and tight-knit community that can open doors to all corridors of power. They can get you jobs and counsel you about the world at large. They can jump-start your career or simply offer you a place to stay. They are CEOs (Goldman Sachs and General Electric, for example), senior partners in law firms, project managers in large companies; in general, they are the movers and shakers of this world.
Dartmouth is you. Your dreams become realities here. I wanted to create a Model United Nations conference at Dartmouth, and I did. You can shape the campus here to a greater extent than you could at most other institutions, especially the larger, older universities. If you are the movers and shakers of this world, we promise the Dartmouth experience will transform you into better men and women, just as you will transform Dartmouth as you lead it into the future. In short, you are the future of Dartmouth.
Welcome home.
