Google is king. In our age, it is the Alpha and the Omega, the instant answer to every question. The worth of everything in our world -- people, companies, ideas -- is determined by its rank in Google's result listing. Therefore, it is with the greatest relish that I report the first school returned upon Googling the word "college:" our very own Dartmouth. We are, apparently, not just "soo college" -- we are the most "college" college of all.
Inevitably, the glow of victory soon faded. I was faced with either starting my LSA application or following my Google-inspired procrastination to its conclusion. I made the obvious choice, but rather than the joys of laziness, I was struck with doubt and confusion. When I praise Dartmouth's college-osity, what do I even mean? Am I sincere, praising the student body's bacchanalian habits in earnest? Or are my remarks detached and ironic, making fun of the very idea of admiring such values? Even more confusing, could I be making a comment on the popularity of the "so college" phrase itself, acknowledging the joy of the party but scowling at any philistine who would actually use such tired words? My answer: I have no idea. More importantly, I'd make a healthy wager that the last time you dropped the two infamous words, you hadn't a clue how you meant them either. What's a college kid to do? What about a "college" kid!?
"So college" is everywhere, peppering campus publications and conversations from the part that's freezing and covered in snow to it's everywhere, dude. To have any hope of understanding how it's used, we should look at what it means. The basic definition is obvious; the phrase describes anything that is particularly exemplary of the essence of the collegiate lifestyle. Immediately, though, there's a problem. Despite the wide scope of that definition, "so college" is used almost exclusively in one way -- to characterize the partying aspect of college life. Or, to Dartmouthize it, the raging aspect. Yes, pretentious '05, I know that's an oversimplification of your beloved "rage" concept, but you know what? Go graduate or something, I don't even care. You know what else? You didn't make up "Nobody rages anymore." I did. Flip out.
I digress. The issue is, no one would use "so college" to describe seeing their third acappella show of the night or writing their fifth essay of the week, even though those things are really quite college. The phrase, obviously, is overwhelmingly reserved for the debauched. But that makes sense, for the same reason it makes sense for people to talk incessantly about their wild Friday night. The phrase, like our discourse as a whole, does not evenhandedly report our lives, but emphasizes what we see as most approved-of socially. "So college" has the same relationship to the reality of college as "Animal House" -- both are based on actual behaviors, but are really abstractions, expressions of an ideal.
Not everyone, of course, considers that ideal admirable. This gets back to the difficulty of discerning what people mean when they use the phrase. I would argue, though, that the significance of "so college" is its ambiguity. While there are staunchly straightedge students and steadfast pong addicts, everyone else is trying to strike a balance. Parties are abundant at Dartmouth, but so is work. Finding the perfect middle ground is hard, and articulating one's own policy in a social context can be even harder, especially when most students aren't even sure where they stand. "But Howe," you protest, "I'm not that insecure!" No, you may not be insecure. But have you ever put on a shirt and wondered, even for a second, whether or not to pop the collar, and pondered the ramifications therein? We are constantly modulating how we present ourselves to others whether we're aware of it or not; social psychology has my back here, dude.
My point is that "so college" is the perfect expression of students' conflicted relationship to drinking. It is, we can agree, a ridiculous thing to say, and is almost never uttered without some trace of irony. At the same time, of course, it is a validation of the Tao of Rage. Thus, students drop it left and right with uncertain mixtures of sarcasm and sincerity, mirroring and confirming their attitudes about alcohol.
Facebook profiles are rich in evidence for this idea, in a way going beyond "so college" itself. Pick a random guy, and chances are high he's a self-described "sweet dude," or perhaps "fratty." Even more revealing is the preponderance of people holding alcohol in their pictures; at some point, students started exaggerating them as a joke, and since then it's been a free-for-all of ambiguous irony and half-joking ragey vigor. Importantly, people aren't just conflicted about their own drinking policy, but also about embracing anything seen as trendy. At this point, calling yourself "college" is akin to wearing a trucker hat. It is because it's cool? No, it's a joke, an expression of the backlash. Then again, it became so uncool it's pretty much cool again. Right? The layers of irony are like those of a delectable chocolate cake; enjoyable, but far too much trouble to separate and sort. After all, why even bother? It's delicious. So, Dartmouth is really college in a way. But frat guys are very college ... sometimes. Thefacebook, though, thefacebook is definitely college although it depends on how you look at it.
Am I college yet?
