A few days ago, I excitedly hurried over to National Alcohol Screening Day at Collis after my classes finished. I had earlier seen posters all around the College that featured cool Nalgenes and taunted, "Want One? Participate in our third annual National Alcohol Screening Day and get a free Nalgene bottle." Then, in extremely tiny font, the poster continued, "while supplies last," but I thought little of this near-omission. After all, Nalgene bottles are really, really cool, so I was willing to take the risk.
A glass case at Collis displayed more of the posters that I had seen earlier, along with a pleasant arrangement of Nalgene bottles in every color of the rainbow. Clearly, I had no reason to fear a Nalgene shortage, so I wandered into Collis Common Ground for the screening with visions of Nalgenes dancing in my head. I filled out the alcohol form, and handed it to the expert, who politely yet professionally informed me that my test had come back Alcohol Problem Negative. Relieved, I walked to the nearby tables to collect my ergonomically-designed, vividly-colored and shatter-resistant prize. But, alas, it was not to be. Apparently, there were no more Nalgenes, and in fact, there had not been any Nalgenes for quite some time.
"But, the display case is full of them!" I pleaded. I saw that Nalgene display through the Collis Common Ground window, and since I don't have a history of hallucinations, and was not thirsty enough for it to be a mirage. The response was that those were all reserved for others.
In my humble opinion, it is not right for people to be misled into thinking that their involvement in Alcohol Screening Day will result in prizes that do not actually exist. So, I grabbed a large giveaway flyer and a marker from a nearby smoking information table, and fashioned a "SORRY, OUT OF NALGENE" sign. I walked out in front of Collis Common Ground, and held the sign up for passersby to see.
For some reason, those in charge of the Screening Day, including Dartmouth's coordinator of Alcohol and Drug Education programs, Ryan Travia, did not seem happy with the information that I presented. In fact, one administrator told me, "You are not needed here." Another one ran outside of Collis so that she could convince students to get screened before the students were able to see my sign. All three of the adults in charge who insisted that I discontinue my behavior eventually offered the following argument: Students need to be screened, and if students don't think Nalgenes are available, they will not get screened.
Many students, upon seeing my sign, inquired, "So, there aren't any Nalgenes?" Upon this discovery, they promptly turned around and continued on their merry ways away from Collis Common Ground, happy not to waste precious portions of their lives taking an alcohol screening test without a compensatory beverage container.
If Ryan Travia and the rest of the College Health Services department truly believe their argument, then they have a few options. First, the College could make alcohol screening mandatory, but this option would be an overly heavy-handed approach. Second, the College could buy enough Nalgenes to satisfy everyone who takes the screening test, but this would be expensive. Third, the College could continue to mislead students as to the availability of the Nalgenes and continue escorting muckrakers such as myself off of the premises by Safety and Security, however, this disrespects the right of students to make informed decisions about the ways in which they spend their time and energy.
I believe that students should be properly informed and should not be misled (although I am all for buying more Nalgenes, even if the expense does come indirectly from my tuition dollars). That is why I held up the sign: to create a disincentive for the heads of Dartmouth's Alcohol and Drug Education programs to mislead students.
Emblazoned on the Nalgenes is the message that "87 percent of Dartmouth students don't feel the need to drink in order to 'fit in.'" I don't think anyone who has been in a frat basement really believes this. The Nalgenes should read "87 percent of Dartmouth students claim that they don't feel the need to drink in order to 'fit in.'" It's a long shot, but maybe if we students were more honest with College Health Services about our drinking issues, they would be more honest with us. Or maybe we just need more students to hold up informative signs.
