Following in the footsteps of such journalistic luminaries as Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters and Ed Bradley, The Dartmouth's Mark Sweeney catches up with the big names on campus and asks the questions that others have too much professionalism or integrity to ask. Today, Sweeney talks with cosmopolitan gentleman Andrew Verstein '05.
The Dartmouth: Let's start with an easy question. What is truth?
Andrew Verstein: Truth is an objective thing. It is not relative. It is not personal. I do not know what it is.
The D: You have been described by a female on the Dartmouth campus as "one of the few men on this campus who actually takes girls on dates." Is this true? If so, explain why this is the case.
AV: Yes, I do take girls on dates. Why? Because you kind of have to once you ask them.
In all seriousness, I do because I sometimes feel at odds with our Northface-wearing, fraternity-going-to, no-effort-exerting student culture. I guess that's "chill" and stuff, but it seems like it polarizes things into a random hookup culture and a "married since orientation" culture.
The D: You are an accomplished thespian. What are your most memorable theater-related experiences?
AV: After Anna Karenina in the winter, we spent the entire day striking the set, restoring the stage to its normal state. I was about five stories up adding and removing counterweights so that we could take down the curtains. After four hours up there, I asked my two fellow cast members whether they would assume it was an accident if I dropped a weight on someone below while they weren't looking. Theater really teaches you who your friends are.
The D: If you could choose one word that most describes your essence as a person, what would it be and why?
AV: Ironical. Like me, its similar to "ironic" except it has another syllable.
The D: Why has your life been in a constant decline since fifth grade?
AV: Well my life was at a high point because I was really popular. And I could get people beat up. I was asthmatic so I came up with a game kinda like tags but with teams and strategy that called for two people to stand still and give orders. Orders like where to run, and who to beat up.
Aside from the end of recess, sixth grade brought another reason for decline: I quit Boy Scouts so that I wouldn't miss Star Trek Voyager. That was pretty much the beginning of the end.
The D: With which philosophical teachings do you most identify, and with which ones do you most disagree?
AV: I identify with Seneca. I like how his stoic philosophy is still able to address the needs of the modern human, I respect his commitment to civil service, and I empathize with his blatant hypocrisy.
I disagree with Derrida ... I think. I'm not exactly sure what he believed ... I don't think he was either...
The D: When you write your philosophical masterwork, what title will you give to that text?
AV: "'Doesn't the Matrix make you think of the world in a whole new way?' And other questions answered with an emphatic 'no'."
The D: As an experienced poker player, could you share what characteristics one must have to be a successful poker competitor?
AV: Three things contribute to poker success. First, don't chase your money once its gone. If you've lost it, it's not yours anymore.
Second, remember that you have no control over the cards which you are dealt, but you can control how much you win on the good hands. Win a lot.
Third, have some kind of "tell" that reveals that you are bluffing. I suggest twisting Oreo cookies, nervously giggling, or simply nodding to me every time you bluff.
The D: If you could pick a single moment of your life that you would say is the most important moment of your existence, what would it be?
AV: When I was young I wanted to be an entomologist, so I went to the library to get some books on the subject. But I couldn't spell it, so instead I got books on fencing. If only my spelling had been better, I would be a successful entomologist, rather than an unsuccessful ex-fencer.
The D: What do you have against school busses?
AV: School busses necessitate bus stops which were prime "Andrew gets picked on" real estate back in the day. I guess I still get hassled by my peers while waiting for Vermont Transit lines, but at least now I can write it off to anti-Midwest sentiments.
All that aside, I got back at school busses once. During my senior year of high school, I hit one with my Ford Taurus station wagon.
The D: You hit a bus? Were there any kids on it?
AV: No kids got off...
The D: What, in your opinion, is wrong with the world today?
AV: Human potential is wasted more often than it is utilized. Gifted artists work at Taco Bell pressing the "reheat" button, generations of inner city youth are written off before they start, and I am conducting this interview instead of writing my term paper.
The D: If you could meet any person, living or dead, who would it be?
AV: The person most deserving of respect and admiration; a fine mind with a finer wit; a person of integrity and ambition. I've always wanted to meet my arch rival.
